The Resolution for Women

Women's bible study has always been a thing the Lord uses to grow me. To say it is a stretching time for me is an understatement! I remember the first one I attended. I was just out of high school and definitely not yet a woman! Yet there I found myself, grouped together with women. Many had trouble just getting there, not to mention doing the homework. Here I was, not even 18, acting like I knew it all and beaming with "knowledge" they could apply. Looking back I am horrified to think of how arrogant this must have been. I have always been a student. I love to learn. I love reading and studying. I love remembering and recalling information. Math was my favorite, though not necessarily easy for me. I love it because it takes certain information, grabs the correct formula, applies it, and then moves on. That was me in a nutshell. Either it was applicible and I used it or it was not and I moved on. This was NOT how women's bible study worked. If I was a math-mind, it was an artist! I showed up to apply information that I gleaned, eager to speak and share. They showed up, many going straight from work to study. I often left discouraged because there was no venue for the application of a child in the world of these women. They didn't need my "wisdom", they needed Jesus. I often sat there, quietly observing their plights and chastising myself because I lacked grace for them. It is no surprise that I did not return to women's study for the next book. My perspective was horrible and I knew it, yet I lacked the maturity to pray for God to change me. Timing was that I got married and moved away for a few years. When we moved back, I had a crazy baby and my husband was working endlessly. We had all kinds of thing pulling for our time and attention. Struggles and obstacles were new friends to us. I was 22 and ready to relate to women. When the announcement came to sign up for women's bible study, I gave myself a pep talk and walked up to the table to put my name on the list. I was nervous and excited at the same time. I was finally going to understand where they are coming from! The first group was spent getting aquainted with one another. It was great. I went home and began my homework. Surprise! The same me was still there, but a new pride began to sink in. I was still lacking grace, but this time it was from a pride that felt superior. A dangerous pride. I truly thought I was a better christian because I could juggle all the tasks of life AND manage to do my study. Scary! I finished that study and took a break, using any excuse I could find to get out of them. I lacked key elements in my character to attend them and my pride was so big I couldn't even see it! Life moved forward, I grew and began to attend again; even lead. My motivating factor was always my growth and what I could take from the group. I was often disappointed because I expected something that wasn't realistic. There was an important change in me, though. I loved the ladies and was very sympathetic. God's grace gave me a love for them and began a work that is still being honed today. When we started our first women's study here in Imperial Beach, I was excited and nervous. I was excited because Beth Moore is a favorite of mine and I love the book of Daniel! Both are very meaty and require a lot of focus and "resolve" to complete. It was a tough 12 weeks and a lot of work, but we finished that study. I was incredibly blessed by the ladies and how God used the study to minister to us and bring us together. It was a sweet season which required a ton of commitment. Many didn't make it. They needed something to meet them where they were at. I was thinking they needed a breather from that study, but we moved right into the next one. I was amazed that 40+ people signed up! They loved being together! The book we were given was The Resolution for Women by Priscilla Shirer. I read it through and was not sure about it. Honestly, I didn't have a clue on how to approach this. You see, I can do things that are task- oriented without any problem. I can study, learn, do: basically leave out the emotions. You know, the personal connections that require you to look at yourself honestly. My concerns began to cloud my judgement of this book. I questioned it over and over in my mind, pleading with God to help me see it. How could we go from Beth Moore to this? Wasn't it like trading filet mignon for weenies in a can? You know the one's I am talking about! They are bland, provide no nutrients, need no chewing because they desolve instantly, and are surrounded by a bunch of goo. I pleaded with God to change my perspective and help me to see this through the eyes of the author. I had to get on board fast because I was first up to speak. My topic? Contentment. Oh the irony! I fought and wrestled for 3 weeks to come up with that 20 minute devo. In the end, I delivered something-like an assignment- and was relieved when it was over. When we met in our groups for the first time, I was so excited! I loved the ladies in my group and had been praying for them for the past month. When I sat down to start, I looked around at their faces. They were so eager and open. This study was refreshing for them. My "knowledge-based" mind did not see how much their hearts needed to be comforted. They needed to talk with others and share what they were going through. They needed Godly women to commit to pray for them. The last few weeks God has been stretching me and humbling me. He is taking my heart apart an putting it back together according to His perspective; His standards. He is taking areas laced with pride and removing them. This week we are looking at integrity. As a concept, integrity is no stranger to me. Science, math, even music has engrained it's importance to me. I know why it is important, but it means nothing unless I choose to apply it. As I began to look at myself honestly regarding this subject I was humbled. I was challenged by all of my inadequecies. I was overwhelmed by all of the junk that made up my heart. Areas of doubt that had crept in. Weakness that had been gnawing at the foundation of my being. I spent a lot of time searching my heart and asking God to make it honest. I have been praying constantly that He would make the inside of my heart match the actions and thing I claim to be. He obliged, the knife of His truth cutting away the things that are keeping me from giving Him access. There were moments I felt I would be consumed by the difficulty of this task. I have to constantly remind myself that it is only through Him that this can be achieved. I am so grateful that the Lord is our shepherd, our father, our healer, our defender, our comforter, and our friend. This week I am most thankful that He is our strength and our peace. He sees the depths of our hearts- who we are on the inside- and loves us too much to allow it to remain. His steadfast love has been my anchor. "Blessed be the Lord, for He has wonderously shown His steadfast love to me". (Ps. 31:21) This promise is always true. I often give Him human characteristics and look at His love for me in light of that. I have to remind myself that this is not the case. I cannot ever conceptualize God's love into Human characteristics. I cannot fathom the depths of love that willingly laid down his life for a debt that wasn't His. A love that separated Him from God and defeated sin, just to bring me into His family. I have to look at His word and take His actions into account. I have to trust He is ALWAYS who He says He is. I need to remember He is not me. He is worthy of my complete trust. If I desire to be a person of integrity then I have to remember this. His truth does not change based on my heart. He doesn't look at me in frustration and disgust when I fail. He is not fickle like my emotions. He loves me. This is the kind of love He wants to live in my heart. His truth has the power to change me, giving me His perspective. As I began to find my identity in Him, my heart begins to look at thing as He would: with love. As Easter is approaching and we are reminded of His great sacrifice, remember Him. His sacrifice, His anguish, paled in the grief of losing us. He was willing to be separated from The Father to bridge the gap of our sin and bring us into His family. His steadfast love kept Him true to His word. His love is amazing. Allow that love to wash over your heart and be the structure that holds it together.