Life is CRAZY!

There have been many seasons in our life. We have been blessed to see so many come to the knowledge of our Savior. We have experienced amazing joy and deep hurt. We have watched as God took many things and blessed them, as well as cut things out. So, when God called us to lead the people of Imperial Beach to Him, we had no idea of the attacks that would come! We have been in the ministry long enough to know that it does happen, and to a degree went through situations that clearly showed the battle we fight is not physical, however we have never experiences a season like this. I was blessed to have a friend in college who endured a lot of hardship. She was away from home and just a few years younger than me, but we got along very well. Her time at bible college was full of trials. It was as if the moment she decided to go to CCBC, she was open season for enemy darts. This was my first shot at ministry. I loved her, encouraged her. I made myself readily available for her. I admonished her and held her. I had fun with her and took care of her. Looking back, I see that God was teaching me how to carry someone's burden with them. I loved my time there and the blessing my friend was to me. I loved the fact that I was a nurturer. Most importantly, I loved the fact that God would take what little I had and stretch it to bless and minister to her. It was during this time I realized that God had given me this amazing gift: the gift to put others before myself. I knew it had to be from Him, because I was not capable of having that kind of love and compassion on my own. This was where I first began to believe God had called me to be the wife of a pastor. I had been told by many in my past that they had seen this call on my life, but I HAD NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANT! I married a guy who everyone pegged for the ministry and chuckled because I really knew him. Doubts were everywhere until this season opened my eyes. It was not long after that we began to work with Jr High kids. There were many things I told God I would not do, and somehow they were all the things He had me do. The "I will do anything but this" list included: Marry Sammy, live in the desert, teach Jr High, eat fish, etc,etc. Well, God definitely changed my heart and we were so blessed to serve the Jr. Highers. When we first moved back to SD, I had a hard time adjusting. I had a small baby and Sammy job required him to be the last one at the church. In those days, people did not have all of the tools we have to keep us connected, so they stayed for hours past the sermon. Some days we would not get home until after 11pm. I would put Christian in a backpack, enduring the pain that was associated with giving him free reign to torture me in a place I couldn't see it coming from. I would grab a vacuum or broom and help in any way possible just to get home sooner. However, when we finally got home, we would arrive to our college age neighbor blasting music from the 80's. She loved Prince (or whatever he is called these days) and Cyndi Lauper. Having a background in music, this was DEFINITELY not anything I would subject my worst enemy to. This season we were sleep deprived, stretched incredibly, and drained of every resource we had to offer, but God turned it around for good and we saw Him cultivate a ministry that is still thriving today. That brings me hope. As a giver, I would gladly suffer the pain so that others may see the love of Christ. This crazy life we are experiencing, I would not change for the world. I know that Sammy and I are not alone in this season of craziness. I know that many of those who are serving in ministry are enduring hits (many of them blows) and getting back up to fight. Can I encourage you with this? Keep fighting. Keep pressing on. I started the book of Revelation today and I was not expecting to be encouraged. How silly of me to think I can open up God's word and not be encouraged. Here is the verse the Lord spoke to me from. Rev. 3:11- " Behold, I am coming quickly! Hold fast to what you have, that no one may take your crown." Have a great day!

Let Go and Let God

Last week, Sammy and I were blessed to celebrate our 14 year anniversary. It is crazy, but 14 years seem both far away and not so long ago. I remember the day he proposed and the months leading up to it as if they were a lifetime ago but just yesterday. I also remember the excitement of preparing for life on our own. We were young and had little but we knew we had the promises of the Lord. He had put us together, and we knew He would guide us in the direction he wanted us to go. We were engaged a year; apart for most of it. The times we were together were often spent running around for the wedding. We were so excited to begin the rest of our life that we kept pushing off the most important question: Where are we going to go after we get married? Call us naive, and we may have been, but we were not really worried about that tiny detail (haha). We were best friends and we loved each other, that was all we needed, right? Well, as the day grew near my excitement grew, but so did my anxiety. Were we doing the right thing, pushing off decisions like this? Our friends that were also getting married had their lives planned out and ready to go, yet we were still "waiting on the Lord to guide us". Needless to say, this did not sit well with many people as our wedding grew near. Our families, our friends, and especially those who watched me grow up in the church. My bridal shower was full of them. 50 of the most amazing women came to bless me and pray for me as I began the journey. I was quite embarrassed being the center of attention and with 50 people, the gift opening process was an event. Quirky things were said and embarrassing moments were had, and then it was time for cake. The cake was my (least) favorite kind, a gift form my (actually) great mother-in-law, so I continually refused piece after piece that was offered to me. This left me without an excuse when the first inquirer came to ask me what our plans were after the wedding. I proceeded to tell of our honeymoon destination, trying to avoid the question. It did not work. She clarified her question (in the most genuine way), so I had to let her know we weren't sure yet. What followed was a small lecture on being responsible and making sure you plan your life, having goals and charting budgets. I laughed inside and brushed it off. I was okay until the next one came, then the next one. I began to see that this was a problem that I probably should be concerned about, and began to grow anxious. Sensing my anxiety a friend, who was younger than me, put her arm around me and asked what I was feeling. I began to share with her the things that were weighing heavy on my heart. She looked at me, nodding and tilting her head in the appropriate counseling way. When I had let it all out, she dropped 5 little words on me. She said, "Let Go and Let God", took my hand and squeezed it, then walked away. I was perplexed. What did that even mean? Let go and let God? I thought that was just something church ladies said when they were afraid to say they didn't have any answers for why things were happening. I began to ponder that, and moved forward. We got married 3 weeks later, plan intact and excited! We were living on the campus of the bible college. This is probably the best thing that could have ever happened to us. Studying God's word on a beautiful resort, food made for us and housing provided (or 10x10 room), as well as a weight room and job for Sammy. We couldn't wait to see what God was going to do. That September, we began classes. Things were great until, the following month, I began to feel awful. I was tired all of the time and began to throw up every morning. I tried to avoid it, but deep down I knew what was wrong. Despite all of our planning and goals, I was pregnant. I was so angry! Didn't God know we had goals and plans? I had showed Him the list for approval, and having a baby was still 3 years away. I had to tell Sammy, and he tried his hardest (as a 19 year old, newly married guy) to be supportive. He could sense my disappointment and stayed strong for the both of us! We lived in married couple's row, and there were 2 other couples pregnant, so when I went to them, they were so excited! (at least someone was) They had no idea the sense of impending doom that was lurking inside of me. When their happy party was over, I shared my heart and the 22 year old (who was due in 3 months) said, "Just let go and let God". There it was again! I just never got it! I began to make it my pursuit to never hear that phrase again. I planned and navigated my life in a way that would allow me the comfort of having to deal with little unknown. We later moved back to San Diego and ran the Youth Ministry. We made mistakes, grew a lot, but mostly, we were content. We knew what God asked of us and where we fit into it. Then, one day, it all changed. Sammy received a call that would spark a different "call" on his life. You see, Sammy was never the guy that looked at youth ministry as a way up the pastoral ladder. It was life to him. He knew the importance of instilling Godliness in the kids at this time and had a heart for it. He was mightily used by God, and we can see the fruit of it. So, when God began to call him in this new direction, it only made sense that we PRAY about it. A lot. I was immediately on board to do whatever he felt called to do. I had my reservations, of course, but he was an amazing man of God who had never once taken me out of God's will, and had proven the trust I had in him. We began praying for a small town, just down the street from where I grew up, and watched as God gave us a heart for these people. We moved in and began a church in a town that has tried so many times and failed, yet has so very many churches. As we began to move forward in God's will a funny thing happened. People began to catch the vision. The Lord was really showing us that the vision for the church was to reach out to the community and show the love of God. We began to pour into the community and we are watching the amazing result of that. People are coming, excited and challenged to seek God. We were able to get our own building not even a year after the start of the church. God is doing amazing things, yet I was battling internally. You see, I was taking on all of these new roles and opened to new attacks from the enemy, and I was drowning. Drowning in insecurity. Drowning in incapability. Drowning in the fact that I am not worthy to be in this position. I was grabbing on anything I could to prevent me from spiraling down the hole of doubt that was threatening to consume me. This month has been the most difficult. We are spending so much time pouring into the church and less time together as a family. We are being attacked with sickness, stress, and various other things that satan wants to use to cause division. I was reflecting on this when I realized something. It was something that caused me to laugh out loud. I realized that I needed to let go and let God. I needed to stop grabbing the things I felt were secure and grab on to the only One who can give me security. So here, 14 years later, I have finally experienced what it means to let go and let God. It was so wonderful to know that, if I let go of the things I'm holding onto and put both hands tightly around Him, that He would see me through to safety. I am so blessed to be in this season and I know that God is going to do great things here in the city of IB. I want to leave you with this wonderful promise I read out of Jude today. It is verses 20-21: " But you, beloved, building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourself in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life". Have a great day in the Lord!

Truth+Love=Joy

This morning, I woke up feeling loved. Loved by my family. Loved by my husband. Even loved by my adorable dog,Coco. Most importantly, I felt loved by my Lord. I felt the cool breeze and saw the beautiful sky and was excited. Not only because I was alive to live another day in Him, but because I knew something exciting: that after 2 days in 1st and 2nd Peter, I was rounding a corner. I was elated because I was aware of what this morning held. It held for me truth and love. It promised to encourage and admonish me. It would be an amazing time and a humbling time. This morning I entered 1st John. It is one of my all-time favorite books in the bible. I knew that I would be reminded of two promises found in God's word. They are the very promises I need to hear, at the very time. I knew it was coming for days and thought about jumping ahead to it, but I knew I was where I was in God's word for a reason and did not want to miss out on what God had for me by rushing to the next book. So I woke up, grabbed my bible and anxiously flipped to 1st John. I was beginning to pray and ask the Lord to speak to me when something happened. My daughter decided to crawl into bed next to me and begin talking about the day. Who can come over? Where are we going? What are we doing? What is (fill in the blank with as many friends as possible) doing? You see, when I am not a pastor's wife, I am a personal assistant, event coordinator, and entertainment guide for my very social 10 year old daughter.(at least this is how SHE sees me). I continued to pray and tried to ignore her when my adorable dog began to boss me into petting her. If you have ever seen this in your dog, you will know what I am talking about. So, I got up and sought solitude and began again. My excitement was even greater now, so I opened my bible. I began to read and didn't make it very far before I had to stop. I was camped in verse 4 of chapter one. A small verse that writes very few words. It simply says this: "And these things we write to you, that your joy may be full". I had to stop because I realized that this entire book was written so that our "joy may be full". I have had the blessing of experiencing much joy in my life. Whether it was my joy or that of someone else, it was definitely a great experience to share in. Joy is defined in the dictionary as "a feeling of great pleasure and happiness" and gives synonyms such as delight, gladness, and rejoicing. That is full just looking at it. Yet God is not giving us His word merely to look at it. He gives it to us so that our joy may be full! He wants us to experience it. To rely upon it and grab a hold of it. To devour it and to apply it. This is where the fullness comes. Many things can make us happy, but few people ever experience true joy. This is why I was so excited to open this book and pour over the contents of the words God has for me through the prophet John. I was reminded of truth: 2:2, 2:25,4:18-19, 5:20. I was enthralled by love: 3:19-22, 4:9-11, 5:3. Read it and you will be blessed! I want to leave you with this verse " We love Him because he first loved us" (4:19) because it ministered to me the most. You see, truth is not optional, but love and joy are. God CHOSE to love us so much that the only way He could close the gap caused by sin was His death. He loved us first. HE loved us first. Doesn't that bring you joy? I am so glad that the ball is in His court, because I am in no way capable of gaining His love or keeping His love. The joy? I am simply allowed to receive it! What an amazing God we serve!

What a Friend We Have in Jesus!

This week I was blessed to see a side of the Lord I was excited to see. I was encouraged by Him, embraced by Him, compelled by Him, but most importantly I needed Him. You see, so often, as the wife of a pastor, we can lose sight that God is our provider and sustains us. We are surrounded by Godliness everywhere and we assume that is the same as being filled with it. I have had the opportunity to watch as God's word ministered to me as well as the excitement of waking up feeling as if I can't get enough of it. I have been a christian for ever and a pastor's wife for most of my marriage. I have seen, experienced, gleaned from, and reflected on God's promises for so long that it is second nature. I am excited because I realize that God is on the throne in my life. Even when I try to push Him off to replace Him with someone or something else, the tough times prove where He sits. I cannot believe that He is so amazing and all He wants is to be my friend. Friendship has always been a hard thing for me. I have a lot of distrust and insecurity from a situation in my teen years, so this basically means no one gets in. I am so blessed to be married to my best friend and to have special people in my life that mean the world to me. However, the most important friend I have is Jesus, the one who died for me. He reached His hand down and extended it to me. He cherishes me and He calls me beautiful. He knows my weakness and faults, yet He sees me through the eyes of a loving Father. AND I am not ashamed to admit I NEED HIM! I need His strength to get me through. I need His love to uphold me. I need His grace to sustain me. I need His peace to consume me. I NEED HIM. I cannot lose sight of that, yet so often I do. I am blessed that my husband is an awesome provider, hard worker, diligent teacher, and loving father. This can often aid in my ability to lose sight of God as my ultimate provider. This weekend I had the privilege of knocking him off of the pedestal I placed him on and putting God back where He belongs. I realized, through a thorough examination of my heart, that the core of it is Jesus, but the foundation had some cracks. They were in need of attention, and I was too busy to do it. I was challenged to address those cracks. I was encouraged to strengthen the foundation. When I looked at God's word, I realized that, in order to continue being a servant of the Lord, I needed to REPAIR REPAIR REPAIR. I had to get my heart right with the Lord and fix the relationship that was in the most need. I needed to spend time with my Friend, so that is what I did. I ran with Him. I cried with Him. I poured out my heart to Him. I sought out His wisdom, I sang with Him, I clung to Him. I was so blessed to be in the presence of Jesus. It is in the times of weakness that He makes us strong. It is through the fire that He refines us. We have only begun to see what God is planning here in the city of Imperial Beach, and I cannot wait to see what God has for us in the future. So many people say 'God never gives you more than you can handle ' but that couldn't be farther from the truth. I am currently witnessing mother in her 30's (who had her husband leave her for another woman) battle stage 4 cancer, find out her brother in law had brain cancer and is given weeks to live, her husband, which she married 1 month before her diagnosis, was found to also have a tumor and they are waiting on the results. Is that really as much as she can handle? I would have to argue with you and say it is unthinkable! I think the statement should more accurately say 'God never gives you any more than He plans on holding you through'. He is so amazing and I can go on forever with that, but I won't. I would like to leave you with this. Psalm 73:25-26. Go read it!