Oh the places you will go!

It is starting to look like we are leaving! Boxes are getting packed, things sold, a prior life stored away until we need it (or don't). I am surprised at how much we have been able to get rid of! I didn't realize we had so much we didn't need.
What a month this has been. Between living life as if nothing has changed and closing life in the face of change, it has required a ton of effort. Trying to squeeze moments in with everyone we love has proven to be difficult. I know there are so many we are unable to get together with. I am so sorry! Know that we love you all!
It has been painful letting go of things. Not physical things per say, but things none the less. Things like friendship and fellowship. Ministry and family. Emotions and facades. I know the past two months have brought me closer to The Lord and my family. I am nervous and excited to see where God takes us in life. I know that we will never be the same, and that is not a bad thing! There has been such a freedom in sitting at the feet of Jesus. I have only known this life and it's familiarity, but I know God will give me the ability to learn in the seasons to come. I have only lived in Southern California- that will change. I have never attended another church but Calvary San Diego, and that will change also! I have been virtually in the same place for most of my life! 28 years at CCSD! How it has been a good place to serve! As we go to Hungary and take a break in serving to focus on our family, we pray for all those who are serving here in this place we love so much.
Ministry- it is what we are all called to do. We don't have to do it in a building or full-time as a pastor. We can minister through prayer and encouragement. Loving those around us. Being a light in the workforce. Serving the least of these. This new season will be interesting! Starting over isn't always easy and doesn't always seem to make sense. The beauty is that we are His children and He will use us anywhere if we yield to Him! Hungary is going to be the beginning of a new perspective. I am nervously anticipating His guidance. I am curious where we will go from there! Oh the possibilities when you let go of it all!

Dr's week

This week is Dr's week for us. I am currently sitting in a cold room waiting to hear my fate. I am praying that everything goes well and I do not have to have surgery. Tomorrow, I travel down the road from here to see if Christian's heart is ok. Once cleared, we will talk corrective surgery. Man, what a tough summer this has been! I am excited to get through this week and move to next week! Lord willing it will be Dr free!

As time winds down for us, I am getting more excited! Partly because my family has never done anything like this. Partly because I am ready to start moving forward! Christian starts school the 25th- which will be quite interesting since we are packing and cleaning that week. Poor kid! He is a trooper! He may be doing school at Starbucks😊
Leah is doing her social rounds. She is so adorable! I can't keep up with her.
I am so amazed at all God is doing and I am grateful for all prayers on our behalf! God bless you!

Give us this day

Life is a gift from God. We are not assured of tomorrow, but we are here today. I have been so fixated on the future that I lose sight of that fact. We are so busy everyday. They have just been slipping by! I have been running around like a crazy lady! Wednesday, I had to take Christian to Urgent Care for some issues he has been having lately. He's had them for awhile, but they are getting worse. This visit prompted a bunch of other visits to check his heart and rule it out. Then, he will have to have corrective surgery on his sternum. Thankfully, he should be able to wait until we get back. It seems like there are so many obstacles to leap before we leave! Thursday was victorious in that we sold a bunch of large items and cleaned/got rid of all the sunroom things. Then, the dog was sprayed by a skunk again! It seems like everything has been one step forward, a hundred steps back!
It was kind of sad to get rid of all of my hobbies, but I know that God will provide things if I need them. I enjoy doing so many things, and this next season doesn't really lean towards crafting and decorating. I can't wait to box everything up! It is so chaotic in our place! It seems like everywhere you turn there are boxes! But that is a good thing, since we have to have everything packed sooner rather than later.
   Yesterdsy we took some time out to sneak away and visit a place I haven't been to for awhile! 2Good2B. Then we hung out with some of our favorite people. Evan has grown up SO MUCH in the past 2 months! He is such a little person. It made me realize how much I miss everyone and everything! I can't wait until daily life no longer requires me to pass by and ignore my life past. It is so hard to stop investing in something you gave everything for. God is good, and strong. His strength in me is the only way I can walk by and keep walking. I miss it all so much! I believe that God will work so much in the lives of the people at CCIB. I look forward to hearing about what God is doing in the church when we get back to San Diego!
I started reading the book "Amazing Grace" this week. It is quotes and bible verses. This quote really ministered to me:
"God guides us, despite our uncertainties and our vagueness, even through our failings and mistakes... He leads us step by step, from event to event. Only afterwards, as we look back over the way we have come and reconsider certain important moments in our lives in the light of all that has followed them, or we survey the whole progress of our lives, do we experience the feeling of having been led without knowing it, the feeling that God has mysteriously guide us." Paul Tournier  I am so thankful that God guides us through all things and that He will bring clarity in our lives! ALWAYS! I know it may not seem like it now, but I know from experience that God's hand is evident as you look back on the path you've come.

Love Letter Palooza!

Love Letter palooza

Today we cleaned out the sheds. In the process, we found all of our pictures. It was so fun to go through! Baby pictures, my old pictures, Sammy's old pictures, pictures of us before we were married. Laughter was abundant. The kids were dying at some of our pictures. Leah was mortified at my striped bathing suit top and my floral board shorts. Christian was amused by the various ways we exploited them in pose and props. Oh Picture People! How you got the best of their youth! They both laughed (hysterically) at the many Olan Mills pictures I had taken- during and after High School 😁 (don't judge! You know you have one)
The night took a turn when Leah opened the lid to a box that made her curious. She picked up a  bright pink envelope and asked," what is this?" Immediately, I yelled," NO! Don't read it!" She dropped it and looked afaid. I did not mean to startle her, but she had entered a land she did not want to go to. The box was filled with letters and cards from the year Sammy and I were engaged. I had no idea what the Kim of 17 years ago wrote in those letters, but there was NO WAY I was going to let her read them!
So, Sammy and I pulled them all out. I read the first one I wrote and it was super creepy! The content was all biblical and great, but it was a back-to-the-future moment! It was as if the girl who wrote those things knew exactly what I needed to hear right now. It is normal when you are going through something and a book ministers to you. Or maybe a quote or verse. But you? 17 years ago? Writing prayer and biblical wisdom for EXACTLY the things you are facing at this very time? SUPER CREEPY! And encouraging! Because that means God was already preparing me for this moment! How cool is that?
So, in reading all my letters I realized so many things. I was way more spiritual 17 years ago! Lol. But really- I was pretty preachy! I also learned that Sammy was my 2nd best friend (only to Jesus) and reminded him of that in basically every letter! I found out I promised to make him cookies I very well may have never made, but it's ok! He never took me on the picnic he promised me so we are even. I also learned I was cruel! I would send 4-5 page letters- front and back- almost daily to him. You may think that is sweet until you realize he is dyslexic and had such a hard time reading! It's ok! He got me back. I am happy to announce that his spiritual parallels have come leaps and bounds from 17 years ago! I laughed so hard I cried at some of them!!!
Man, Love is so blinding!!!! I also found a torn picture of just him. You know, the photo booth strips. I didn't understand it and thought maybe I tore it, until I came across a letter from him that explained it all. It said, " I have a picture for you. I tore someone out of it. Don't even ask who, but I did and kept me because I looked cute. I especially liked my jacket here." Yup- I married that one!! We laughed so much tonight. Memories are fun. I have had some sad ones lately, but tonight was refreshing. I often found myself reading my own writing and wondering who I even was!!! Such faith and trust. Reliance on the promise of God's word. Transparency. Freedom. The longer we live in this world, the more it wears on us. The very real struggles of that young girl pale in comparison to the things I face in this moment, but the truth of God's words then are no different now. What a weird thing to go back in time and see God working in your life. Tonight's reminder came at the perfect time. I am so glad to look back at a life built on trust in God, seeing that He is the faithful one in this relationship!

Beauty is in the eyes... Of a child

There are so many things in life to be grateful for. Why do we spend time chasing happiness when we can have joy? Why do we fight God instead of trusting Him? When someone figures it out, can you please tell me? Yesterday I took Leah along on my coveted beach walk. My favorite part about that walk is the solitude. It was a bit different having company (that wasn't a doggy). Let me tell you a little about my wonderful daughter. Leah Joy. She is named so appropriately, as she is such a joy in our lives.She is one of the most genuine people you will ever meet. Sammy and I often joke that she was the recipient of all the good in each of us. She is sweet, compassionate, giving, and logical. She is gifted in so many ways. She is athletic, smart, musical, easy-going, and beautiful. I sometimes watch her and realize that she will never know how truly beautiful she is! She demands no attention for it, which makes her even more beautiful. And her heart! Oh how she loves! She is an amazing young woman. Well, that said, she was able to accompany me for her first time. I have walked that path a hundred times, but it was so refreshing to see it through her eyes. She would run and jump on any sea weed bubble she could find. She collected 10 sand dollars- perfectly intact. She checked to make sure they were not alive, and threw the live ones back into the ocean. The leftovers were for her to take home. Her desire? To paint designs on them and give them to all of her friends. She collected things that looked shiny and pretty. She ran in and out of the water. She stopped to pet every dog. She was grateful. She didn't worry about that afternoon, or lunch, or any other thing! She just enjoyed that moment for what it was. Sammy and I often talk about how our kids never experienced pain in life. How joyful they are because of it. Yet, in that moment, I realized joy is a choice. It is based on what we choose to fixate our vision upon. She was able to enjoy the scenery. She was able to appreciate every detail I took for granted all the walks prior. She helped me to see my surroundings in a different way. Isn't that what joy is all about? In life, I am often in such a hurry to go (I am not even sure what to) that I forget to look around. I am so fixated on the finish line that I forget to enjoy the ride! I am so task-driven. But God's desire for me is just the same as my desire for Leah (and Christian)- joy. I want to watch them love life. I want to see things through their eyes. I want to sit back and appreciate their unique perspective on things I have already experienced.  What a blessing it is to have children! It teaches us so many things about the nature of our Father!

16 Years of August

This month is our 16th anniversary. Where has the time gone! It flies by so fast. In 3 short years my son will graduate high school. 2 years later my daughter will follow. Sammy and I looked forward to getting them through and being together to enjoy the rest of our lives serving The Lord together. We will be done raising "kids" by 41. It was the only consolation to having a "surprise" baby. 😉 Yet, the grass is always greener on the other side. I look back at the early years and miss the moments that seemed so overwhelming at the time. I see where I should have slowed down and enjoyed the time instead of rush through to get to the next thing. Isn't it funny how we are? We fail to be content in our season. I know that is me. I look back and wish I could do things differently. Or, look forward in hope for easier times. But what about here and now? Right where God has me? Can I focus on that? I am realizing this is quite a feat. August, a month of celebration for us. Oddly enough I can count on 1 hand the amount of times we actually stopped to celebrate. Not this time. Going through pictures has brought back fond memories of my adorable kids. Packing will reveal more of our past in bittersweet, bite-sized moments. Treasures to remember and cherish. It is in this time of looking back and storing things away that I can expect tears and hesitance, but also joy and excitement. I will choose to celebrate. Healthy children. Loving family and friends that have come and gone. Highs and lows. Victories and challenges. Seasons that have passed on, as they always do. August, the month that always manages to bring us new things and take others away. I can come up with an example for every year we have been married! Funny- I hadn't even realized it until this moment. This August, like all it's predecessors, brings more distractions. So we will chose to celebrate. 16 years - every one with its own ups and downs- have come and gone, but we are still here. That is reason to celebrate. God is good.

4 weeks

Today's research: looking for gluten-free and corn-free products... In Hungary. Gluten-free would be a breeze! Corn is not! Gluténmentes. This word was all over the website for Tesco! kukorica(koo-kor-ITZ-ka). Often followed the previous word in the ingredient list😢
Also, our passports came in the mail. I am appropriately in agreement with the weather- gloomy. When will this Eeyore mentality stop? I can't wait until we get to the Airport! Then I can put all my effort and energy into... well, I am actually not sure what to yet but it HAS to be better because God said so, right? What a child I have become! Things have been a little difficult lately, and I turn into a kid all over again. The past couple months have been interesting to say the least! Some parts I could have lived without, some I am glad I went through. I look forward to seeing what God does this year! The past few have wreaked their havoc in a mixture of blessings and disappointments and I have finally come to a place where I have stopped fighting what God wants to do. The hard part is to keep going! I thought it was the other way around! But here- now- in the place where the Lord has my complete attention and has total control, I feel like giving up. For so many years I pushed forward and kept going as if it were no problem, however I often fought for control in the process. Somewhere within that is a balance. I am excited to find it! I know it is there! So I will keep moving on this road. This next month will fly by and, before I know it, we will be there. 4 weeks. I can make it through 4 busy weeks. Weeks of closures. Weeks of sad goodbyes. Weeks of packing and cleaning. Of dr. Appts and other appts. Weeks of purging- keeping only what matters and bringing only what is necessary. This will have officially been my toughest summer! But Sept. Is coming, and I can put it behind me! I can glean what the Lord wanted to teach me and work on what the Lord has in front of us. I am learning to apply Prov 3:5-6 in it's fullness. I realize I have NO understanding and I must trust in the Lord with ALL my heart. If I don't give Him all of it, there is room for me to lean on my own understanding. That is not a safe place for me! I am assured of His promise that He will direct our path if we trust Him with All... so that is my prayer. Complete and total surrender to Him. There really is no other way through the times that are unclear to us. Soon, incredibly soon, we will say goodbye to this town. To this home. To our puppy. To our family and friends. We will walk away with our luggage and board an airplane. (And apparently, my family has decided to use a brittish accent the entire flight😁😳) We will go to a place that we have never been. I am sure we will love the people! To hear the stories of what God has done in that country is going to be amazing. I remember praying for the very first Calvary there when I was a kid. Now, I get to see the fruit of prayer! I look forward to the experiences we will have together as a family. I look forward to moving forward. I look forward to pressing in. 4 weeks. If I can just manage to get throught these 4 weeks.