Holiness not Homieness

I have about a million things I should be doing right now, but somehow I don't have the energy or the heart to commit to them. Today has been an emotionally challenging day. The messages were very very challenging and difficult to swallow. This morning, we looked at Jesus commanding us to love others as He has loved us. That sounds easy, right? Well, remember that He loved us when we were "yet sinners"- basically when we were rejecting him. When we were fighting against Him, He loved us. When we were living for ourselves He was dying for us. His love is unchanging regardless of the things I do or ways I hurt Him. He does not measure His grace upon me based on my own merit. He never changes the amount of love He has towards me. This is how He is calling me to love. It is easy to love those who love you back, but oh how hard it is to show love towards someone who has wronged you. Now, add to that the evening service where we see men of God admitting blame and associating themselves with sin that was not their own. They were humble. They were not concerned about their place in the situation. They did not claim their innocence nor did they justify feelings of it. They did not dwell in their own situation but looked to the Lord to intercede, taking part in the fault for the better of the whole. They were wronged but chose to lay down their pride and seek forgiveness for something they were not guilty of. They pursued holiness. It was very hard for me to receive this, because these are the things God is working in me right now. It is always great to be on the positive end of hearing the sermon and relating to it. This time God was admonishing me. It isn't easy to deal with, but I know it will be worth the fight. I know that I am experiencing this season to prepare me for whatever lies ahead. Compassion and grace will now be companions when I counsel women who have gone through circumstances I may never understand. Love and encouragement will propel me in service to others. I have become more pensive, realizing that words have such power. I am being tried through the fire and watching the faithfulness of God creating holiness in me and helping me to walk in it. My mind is constantly battling to control me, but He has won out. I am choosing love and forgiveness because that is His example. He is taking me to a place that will make me usable for Him. I am learning what it means to fight the battle on my knees. So, on a night like tonight when sleep seems impossible and my heart feels so heavy, I am so blessed to know that although He is challenging me, He is also using me. That brings me such peace!