Painting is (not) fun!

Recently, I have been dealing with a lot on my plate. I tend to be the person the pushes forward until I am ready to drop, then goes a little more. This stems from so many things, but mainly from my independence. I often feel as if I am bothering others, so I just do it all on my own. I can do things on my own, so why not?  Well, I am learning the reason through many tough lessons. I tend to cut something out before it can hurt me. I pride myself in seeing it from far off and avoiding it at all costs. The past few weeks have taught me quite a few lessons. One of those lessons is this: I need others. I cannot keep pushing forward on my own. It has also taught me who I need most. I have been pressing into the Lord and studying His word, and am reminded of how much I need Him. I will be fine, and then feelings begin to surface and I realize I need Him. Insecurity begins to creep into areas of my life and I realize the solution is to seek Him. I am learning that I only have confidence in Him. I am learning how to navigate this life with Him at the wheel. Basically, I am aware of my shortcomings and going to the only one who can truly help. I am growing in my relationship with Him and being stretched is somehow less terrifying. I am still struggling with many of the feelings I had, but I have a Father who loves me so much, He holds all of my tears in a bottle. I am still trying to figure out the "why's" in my life right now, but I am learning sometimes I can't have all of the answers. Trust is the thing God is restoring in me the most. I am a leery person by nature, and  I need to learn to put my trust in Him, because He will never fail me. So many lessons as of late. I was painting (a lot) this weekend and I learned several things about myself. One thing I learned is that I don't care for painting. I thought I did. Actually, when Sammy first announced that we would be painting, I was super excited. I thought, 'here is something I will actually enjoy doing'. I showed up Friday excited because I didn't have to clean a nasty closet or remove weeds, I got to paint! I had great company and learned that my daughter is SO MUCH like her father. I enjoyed myself. The sun wasn't too strong. The area wasn't too large. It was baby steps. We finished an entire section and I truly experienced the old saying, "Many hands make the load light". Saturday came and we were back at it. We prepped the area we were going to paint by removing staples, bushes, etc and we were off. We put down drop cloths and grabbed our paint brushes. We were ready to paint. I was surrounded by great people and life was great, right? NO WAY! You see, today, we were on the back side of the building. Many of the spiders had the opportunity to "be the church" and we consumed liter after liter of water to replace all of the sweat dripping off of us due to the direct sunlight. I looked like a lobster regardless of the bottle of sunblock I applied throughout the day. Painting was no longer a fun experience, it became a chore. I began to look for opportunities to slack off, but had too much pride to actually do them. I was ready to leave, ready to quit, but I knew if I did the rest would surely follow! I prayed, hard, and endured. Monday morning we were back at it. I was excited again because we were getting to paint a new color. You see, that must be the reason I was not enjoying the job. Now that I get to see a new color and do the job so-and-so had, this will go better. While the shade and breeze were a welcome friend, I realized new things. I had to climb up a ladder. I had to be "perfect" or I would drip teal paint on the already painted beige building. New stress began to prove that this task was also not what I imagined. Well, after much hard work (after all, it was Labor day, right?) we left the place looking much better than before. I was exhausted beyond belief! I was appreciative of so many who sacrificed so much to serve. Mostly, I was glad to be done. I learned a lot, though. I realized that God gives strength to the weak, and boy am I weak. He also sustains us. I am so very glad, because I am in no way capable of living this life He has given me without Him. I also learned that He is using every inch of my life to remind me of my need for His sufficiency and trust. I am being reminded moment by moment of the verse, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In ALL of your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path."  The Lord taught me to be content where I am at. To be faithful in the things He puts in front of me TODAY and not look to the things tomorrow will bring. So today I am trusting in Him to see me through and carry me beyond the things that are weighing on me so much! I pray that you can do the same! God bless you!