What Now?

I have been in awe of how much satan can throw at me lately. Doubts, insecurities, you name it, he's done it. I was challenged yesterday by a thought that came from (finally) watching the dvd for the study we will begin monday.I was reminded that sometimes when we are being attacked, God is allowing it to bring us closer to Him. It is so very true. Sometimes, we are dumb and we do dumb things and the result is not an attack but just our own stupidity. Other times, we endure attacks and we are aware that they are from the enemy trying to knock us down, only to be caught by the hands of our Father and lifted back up in fighting position. These seasons have been true in my life, but right now I feel they are not applicable. The season of attack I am experiencing is for my own growth. I feel like I am in a game of dodgeball all alone, and the enemy has unlimited balls. He is continually throwing them and I am hunched on the ground protecting anything my poor arms can cover. The Lord, however, is not deflecting the balls. He is instead standing next to me and making me aware of their coming. He is guiding me and forcing me to trust His voice. He can see how many balls the enemy has left, and if I simply listen to His voice I will make it out alive. I may have marks and bruises, but I will also have victory. You see, when you get into the ring with the devil, you better be prepared to fight! Staring a church is the same as challenging him to "bring it". I, however, underestimated that! EXTREMELY! I was ill-trained to fight someone with such knowledge. The beauty is, my trainer has all the experience I need. He has defeated my enemy! I can rest in knowing that His coaching will give me victory. The blows will eventually stop, but the lessons learned will definitely remain. It has almost become comical this week. I have watched what stress can do to me, and it is not pretty. Today, I am dealing with my computer. It has always been a good computer to me. I have only had it for a year, but it has done exactly what I asked of it. It is reliable and fast. Yesterday, however, it decided to freeze while installing the upgrades. I turned it off (I know, not the right thing to do) and rebooted it. After several black screens, I thought I was in the clear. Then, the windows installer box appeared. And appeared. And appeared. We could go on forever, because that is how much it did, but I won' t because I am sure you get it. I took all of my techie knowledge (none) and went to work. I defraged it. I ran scans. I updated every driver on my c drive. I tried to access it through other venues. Everything I tried failed, and I ended up just walking away. Today I decided to try again. With renewed energy, I turned it on, picked up my phone, and.... called a tech. His response? Everything I did already. I was actually impressed at first, until I realized I just paid a guy $30 to tell me nothing.He did, however, have one bit of knowledge I did not check the day before. I forgot about the event viewer. When I went there, I saw that my MSInstaller was hacked. The proof? An entire page of warnings with red triangles and exclamation points. I now get to pay someone to remove it (yay) so it can be my nice computer once again. Instead of finishing the last 5 things on my checklist, I will spend the day on Sammy's computer, changing user names and passwords. I am actually able to laugh today, though, because I know that I am going to make it through. I also know that this is happening for a reason. I just cannot wait to see what it is! Until then, I am praying and pressing on, knowing that the One who chose me for this will sustain me.