To Glitter or not to glitter...

 Is that a real question?!?

It is this year! Normally, I would be sitting in a warm, scented room with Christmas music playing in the background. The place would be decorated with everything Christmas. The presents would be wrapped and under the tree. I would {definitely} be enjoying a piece of pumpkin pie. My doggie would be laying at my feet. That is how most of my Christmases went. 

     This year, we have a different life. In an effort to try and feel like the holidays are here, I have been playing Christmas music non-stop. Today, we made a tree out of sticks. We strung garland and painted old canvas {I believe it thanked me}. As we listened to the words to the songs, Leah and I were laughing at how we can relate to them now! With talk of snow next week, rain today and temps in the mid 30's, we have completely entered uncharted territory for the Sandino family. This next week, all the students leave. The staff go home to visit their families in the states. The sad reality that we will be here alone for 6 weeks has started to sink in. That doesn't mean we can't celebrate my favorite time of year! We may not have much, and it may not look the same as years past, wbut this year we are here! I will find ways to add glitter to this season and rejoice! I don't know where next year will be celebrated, but I don't really need to look back in longing or look forward in worry. I get to sit back and enjoy today. So tonight, I sit in a warm house, with no presents and a tree branch Christmas tree, listening to music and thanking God for the gift He became for us so long ago. The gift that we are reminded of this season. Tomorrow is the first day of December. Remember the reason for this season and celebrate Him every day! sziasztok!

Thanksgiving birthdays

Who says you have to throw out traditions just because the country you are in doesn't celebrate them!?! Today, my sweet and beautiful baby girl became a teenager! Where have the years gone? Today, we spent the day shopping in a cute craft store, buying Christmas decorations, eating McDonald's because we are dying for beef in this pork-filled country, desserts with friends, and finishing the day with Elf. Such fun! Who needs Black Friday and chaos? Tonight, we rest and reflect on the here and now. Speaking of now...back to my not-so-little girl and pumpkin pie!

Thanksgiving

This year, as Thanksgiving approaches us, I am reflecting on the things that have changed in my life. I am very thankful for how much God has done in me this year. I am appreciative of true friendship and people who love me enough to be honest. I am blessed to have a wonderful set of children! I am honored and so grateful to be His daughter! I am experiencing new things in a new place. I am loved. What more is there?
Today will bring be very busy! I have a tiny, european oven in which to bake my whopping menu! Order and oven schedule is a must! I never thought I would be making (what I consider to be) the most repulsive casserole from scratch just to feel like home! Isn't the beauty of green bean casserole its simplicity? Not here! Nothing is simple! Well, maybe whipped cream is a little easier here, but that is it!
Christmas music, rolling pins, homemade breads, pureeing pumpkins, making creamed soups, teaching Leah for the first time, new memories, and wonderful smells! Thanksgiving in Hungary! Who knew?!? I better get started on everything or I will be off schedule! We can't have that! Enjoy your day and God bless you this week!

Consumed

"I need God to consume me more than my life currently does"

How true this statement is! Are we consumed by Him? By His desire and will? How often do we look at ourselves and our life and forget that He is still God. When life and it's voices consume our being, we are missing out. I think of the scene from the Incredibles where the kid is on the bike and Mr. Incredible looks at him (in the midst of his frustration) and asks "kid, what are you waiting for?" To which the kid responds "something amazing!" Am I that kid? Or am I so frustrated in my life that I forget the fact God is working in and through me and others are watching to see just what God can do? Lord, make us usable! Make the drama that we call life consume us less and the glory of God consume us more! "Oh praise the ONE who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead!"

Lost?

What a day! It all started this morning! I set out for a 5 mile run. It was a little chilly, but not too bad. With about a mile left, I decided to run through the forest. I had never gone this way before, and it looked safe enough. The rain was starting to come down, but I figured the distance was the same. {looking back, I realize I had NO authority to make that assumption being as I never went that way before} Well, boy was I wrong! I ran down paths and got so incredibly lost and off track, that my nice 5 mile run quickly turned to 10. Praise God I have an app that tracks me in current time and gps {best in app purchase EVER} I got caught up in thought and realized I no longer had a path to run on. I looked up an all I saw were large trees and brush. I looked at my gps and it had stopped tracking for the last mile. I was lost. Oh so lost! I freaked out a little, then realized that I just needed to get back to a place where my gps could pick up signal. After what seemed like eternity, I was back on track- but not without an adequate amount of lost forest pictures and running in the rain selfies! I blame it on the bible college!
This semester has had a very sad little plague going around. We had tried our hardest to stay clear of it, yet it hit! Lice. Tiny, icky bugs that torment you and basically cause a panic that chills me to the bone! I have been checking heads here at the house every day since the first outbreak last month. We had been free and clear. I made the kids use the defense spray and checked. Friday, the little fellas resurfaced at the castle. When I checked Leah's head this morning, I saw a nit, and a bug. Yay! Christian also had them. He got a nice new hair cut prior to treatment! They had very mild cases since I have been checking like a crazy woman. We also treated the neighbors. Their little one was so sad because she had it so bad! I am convinced that lice is my lot in life- or my calling. Not really sure it is a blessed one! :)
It is 11pm and after 8 hours of de-licing heads I am exhausted! There is an adorable doggie sitting on our doorstep whining to come in. The kids are giving me a hard time because I won't let him. His little whine is all but killing me right now! Please go away cute puppy!

Baggage

Tonight, there was an english man teaching at bible study. He taught Deuteronomy 12. After the Hungarian translator read the chapter (which went on FOREVER!), and about 20 minutes of apologizing for the book of Deuteronomy, I was done. Well, actually, I was done before he even started. Mostly, I was missing home. Today, I listened to christmas music and realized that I would not pull out a tree and decorate. I was not going to do the things that I normally do this time of year. Tears and sadness had hit. I almost skipped tonight, but I knew I needed to go. Yet- Deuteronomy. Chapter 12. Seriously?
Yes- seriously. God knew exactly what I needed to hear. He spoke on things I have been hearing from the Bible Study I am listening to by Beth Moore. Yet, he hit on a major area I am struggling with. He said this, " You want to hear from God. But so often you come in to offer Him your sacrifice dragging your idol in your other hand. You have to let go of the baggage. Drop your idols and allow God to fill your empty hands". There is is... I HAVE to let go. I cannot live carrying this baggage around. It is impossible to move forward and hear God if I am fixated on my bags. My idols don't really seem like idols... but they are. I know it because letting them go all but kills me. Yet, He promises me better. He will replace everything I give up with more of what He desires. Isn't that what I want? I may not understand or see the direction He is leading, but it is His voice that I long to hear.
During the afterglow, the worship leader sang the song "Nothing but the Blood of Jesus". I have been listening to that song frequently on my jogs. I am familiar with it and love it. Tonight, for what seems like the first time, I HEARD it. "Nothing can for sin atone, nothing but the blood of Jesus. Not of good that I have done, nothing but the blood of Jesus." ONLY the blood of Jesus. Not me, my good, my will, my anything, can make up my sin debt. HIS blood. It is the only thing that can save. I take a lot of the burden on myself, and I have no authority to. I cannot change my standing before God. He is the one who intervened on my behalf. So, why do I struggle with the things He is asking me to let go of? Why do I cling to my bags and refuse to put them down? Rhetorical questions!
I am constantly reminded that I have a choice. The section in Deuteronomy 30:14-20 has been a favorite of mine lately.

"But the word is very near you. It is in your mouth and in your heart, so that you can do it. See, I have set before you today life and good, death and evil. If you obey the commandments of the LORD your God that I command you today, by loving the LORD your God, by walking in his ways, and by keeping his commandments and his statutes and his rules, then you shall live and multiply, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land that you are entering to take possession of it. But if your heart turns away, and you will not hear, but are drawn away to worship other gods and serve them, I declare to you today, that you shall surely perish. You shall not live long in the land that you are going over the Jordan to enter and possess.
I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live, loving the LORD your God, obeying his voice and holding fast to him, for he is your life and length of days, that you may dwell in the land that the LORD swore to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them."

Choose life, that you may live. This is my crossroad. It has been a long time since I have lived. I have spent years trying to be what I thought everyone else wanted me to be. I realize that this is idolatry. I can only be who God wants me to be. This is going to be a tough one to hold on and stay true to in the coming months. I want to do what is best always. But that best is always for everyone else. God wants me to do His best. That looks very, VERY different than how I have been living. I am so glad I have His strength to rely on!
On a side note: Today, we saw a baby deer, as a pet! We also were kicked out of the gypsy village by cops and I still have no idea what they were trying to tell us! I was pretty sure we were going to end up on the wrong side of the napoleonic law! Praise God for the (few) hungarian words I have acquired! For without them, we may be sitting in a cold jail... Good Night!

HOW!?!

Tuesday- my question is this: HOW?

How is it that my beautiful, sweet baby girl will be a teenager in 2 short weeks? That, as I stare at her, she turns more and more beautiful? Her kind heart, sweet nature, gentle spirit, amazing talent, and fun personality wrapped in the body of a beautiful young lady. I want my little girl back, but I love the young woman that is growing before me.
Today was a first on many levels. It was an emotional day. It started out with me having to drive. I was so afraid, I barely slept in anticipation. When I woke up, fear became even thicker. I looked out the window and was unable to see anything due to the fog. I pep talked myself { a new habit I have gotten into since everything takes one nowadays} and got in the van. Most people are unable to drive here because they have no knowledge of driving stick. Sammy and I are part of a blessed few that are capable. So, that excuse down, I was ready. We drove out of the college and onto the 2 lane road that we would take 45 minutes into town. Well, as we drove further away from the college, the visibility was gone. NOTHING! I wanted to pull over and cry, but I know there is no shoulder and as I couldn't see, I would have surely ended up in the ditch. So I drove forward. Tears streamed down my face, and I tried my hardest to pull myself together for Leah's sake. We blindly drove, unable to measure where we were or how far we had to go. Every so often, I was met with the headlights of someone who thought it was a good idea to pass a vehicle, which brought more tears. We arrived and I went into the gym. I needed to pull myself together, so I went into the restroom in the foyer. The same restroom I have used every time. Well, for whatever reason, I looked up and read the sign. Maybe I am becoming more aware of my surroundings, or somewhere someone needed to have a good laugh at my expense, but as I read it realization dawned on me. It said Ferfi. Not Noi. Great! I have been using the men's restroom this entire time! It explains all the looks that I had been given! All I could do was laugh! How did I get here? Last year at this time, I was listening to Christmas music, crafting and enjoying all the season has to offer. I was preparing a special surprise party for my baby girl. I was living in an ignorant bliss. Now, here I am in a foreign country, driving blind and using men's restrooms! How?
We arrived home safely {facing the fog again}, and Leah began to ask me questions about make up. Actually, I saw this coming. Last year, I told her we were not opposed to her wearing make up, but I wanted to take her to get it and show her how to use it. Lately, she has been watching tutorials and talking about her friends who wear it. I reminded her again that I was not opposed to her wearing it, she just needed to learn how to. She asked me to show her last night. Somehow, between the laughing and fun of teaching a {very mature} almost teen how to apply eye liner and not look like the lady from the Drew Carey show, I watched my baby turn into a young woman. Somewhere between the make up and newly done eyebrows we moved from little girl to this. I love her. She is funny, kind and sweet. And soooo beautiful on the inside and out. How, on this emotional day, can I thank God for all the blessings that are right in front of me? In the midst of all the things my heart and mind- even my life- are experiencing, there is joy. He has made me glad. He has blessed me with 2 of the greatest kids on the planet! I don't deserve them. I can't even take credit for them. Yet, I have them because He gave them. Thank You Lord!

You are my sunshine!

     Today, the sun is trying to fight and stay ahead of the clouds. The bright orange leaves of fall are turning brown. The wind is robbing the trees of their coverings. The ground is a mixture of colorful amber leaves, scattered like a carpet across the green grass. Fall. It is so beautiful to wander the roads and forest through rolling green and beautiful reds and yellows. Listening to worship and enjoying the cool air on my face. What a strange new experience.
     I am happy to spend these last few fall days outdoors. I am unsure what winter will bring. Leah's gymnastics coach asked me if we brought this weather with us! I guess it is uncharacteristic for this time of year. I chose to believe it is because God loves me!
Lately, I have been anxious to get home to my Coco. We had a FaceTime date and it made it worse! Soon we will see her. :) Is it too early to make a paper chain!?! :)
This past week I believe Leah grew a foot. She is almost as tall as I am! It is tough to believe that I will have only high schoolers when we return! Where has the time gone?
     

     I am enjoying this beautiful, strange adventure called life right now. I am eager to see where it goes from here! Thank you all for praying and loving us! We are learning to rest and slow down (sort of) at a much-needed time. Soon it will all be memories, but for now it is life! Life is meant to live- and it is only worth living when it is lived with the One who gave it to you! Thank you , Lord, for walking the path before us and with us. For the beauty we get to see along the way. For the hope that restores and renews hearts. For the promise of heaven and eternity with You!

We are His children

     One if the blessings of being a child of God is that He gets to be our Daddy! I have really needed that. The constant reminder that His love surpasses all of my ability, understanding, everything. It is undeserved and always there. He loves me. Completely and unconditionally! Who else can we say that about?
     Looking back at the past 6 months, I have watched as God has carried me through. Sometimes I was an obedient child- holding His hand tightly and trusting Him completely. Other times, I was needing His reassurance and for Him to carry me. There is a couple here at the college who are from Israel. They have two of the most preciously adorable girls! One is old enough to walk and is just in love with life. She has to experience everything in her path. It is so sweet to hear her call out "Abba". Her joyful laughter and huge smile are evidence that she has such a peace in her environment. Her sister is just a baby, and is most often seen in a carrier on her daddy's back. She is not able to run the paths on her own, so this is the safest place for her. This is the picture that came to mind when I was thinking about God as our Daddy- "Abba".
     Life is constantly changing. People move on. Everything becomes different. Things come up when  least expect them to. Hard things, fun things, painful things, happy things. Change is part of life. We see that in this world we live in. Weather changes. Circumstances change. All without a warning. What once took you left now takes you right. This world is not certain. This life is not certain. The people you love are not certain. Nothing is certain but this: Jesus paid it all! He wants us to believe that with all we have and are! I heard a loose interpretation of Prov 3:5-6 the other day. She said,"to trust in The Lord with all your heart sometimes means you need to trust with all the trust your heart can muster." That looks different depending on the place you are in life. We may have hearts that are unsteady, but this truth remains. God is always with us. In every season. It may seem like He is far off, but He promises He will never leave us. What Father can say that? When we have no strength to go on and feel like out world is falling apart- He is there. When we are experiencing the joy of life- He is there also. He never lets us go. What a great thing to hold onto when the world around us changes so rapidly! He is steadfast. Unchanging. He is the cornerstone that hold us up. All that, and our Daddy!

Hosea 2:14-23

Hosea 2:14-23
14 Therefore, I am going to persuade her, lead her to the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her.
15 There I will give her vineyards back to her and make the Valley of Achor [trouble] into a gateway of hope. There she will respond as she did in the days of her youth, as in the day she came out of the land of Egypt.
16 In that day —this is the LORD’s declaration —you will call Me, “My husband,” and no longer call Me, “My Baal.”
17 For I will remove the names of the Baals from her mouth; they will no longer be remembered by their names.
18 On that day I will make a covenant for them with the wild animals, the birds of the sky, and the creatures that crawl on the ground. I will shatter bow, sword, and weapons of war in the land and will enable the people to rest securely.
19 I will take you to be My wife forever. I will take you to be My wife in righteousness, justice, love, and compassion.
20 I will take you to be My wife in faithfulness, and you will know Yahweh.
21 On that day I will respond —this is the LORD’s declaration. I will respond to the sky, and it will respond to the earth.
22 The earth will respond to the grain, the new wine, and the oil, and they will respond to Jezreel.
23 I will sow her in the land for Myself, and I will have compassion on No Compassion; I will say to Not My People: You are My people, and he will say, “You are My God.”

In this section, we find the bride of Hosea (a prostitute) running after her old life. In the longing and pursuit of her old habits, she forgets just what is waiting there for her. She may be deluded, or maybe she feels unworthy. Whatever the case, God is patient with her. He knows she is in a terrible place. He knows the desires of her heart. But He is patient. He decided that He will pursue. He will persuade her with actions and loving words. He will speak tenderly to her- regardless of the fact that she is doing the very thing she is accused of. He will lead her- woo her- from the valley of trouble and through the gates of hope. That love will cause a response of gratitude. A reminder of the love she once knew. An innocent love. A pure love. The sins she saturated herself in would be removed so completely that she will not even remember them. He will be enough. More than enough. He will replace every area in her heart with such a thorough love that she will begin to grow. Change. The life of ruin she once lived will no longer bear any evidence. The things that caused her to be cast off will be replaced with  God's acceptance.
What an awesome concept! We know that this small book depicts the relationship of God to His chosen people - Israel. It is also relevant to us today. We are the bride of Hosea. We have been given every opportunity to partake in the heart of God. Yet so often we run. Like slaves, we turn back to familiarity. Back to the guilt and shame that condemn us. To a place we believe defines us. We run head first into the junk we were delivered from; forgetting the love that has changed us. Whether we believe the lies of satan or his condemnation, we allow his voice to replace the tender words of our loving Husband. We find ourselves in the valley of trouble. Like a lost child, we struggle to find our way back. Yet, He pursues us. He finds us in our defeated state. He speaks the words we know. He reminds us of His love. He reminds us of the way He sees us. He builds up our ability to trust. Then, He reaches out His hand to us. After staying in the valley of trouble with us, He begins to guide us. Lovingly, tenderly, He takes us to the gates of Hope. As He walks us through, He is constantly speaking the words that block out all other voices. He begins to permeate our entire being with His grace. We begin to see things as He does- once again. It is here we see the fields around us begin to grow. To bear fruit. The sweet songs of His promise floating through the air. The fragrance of His redemption drenching our once-stagnant soul. We- the "no compassion", "not my people"- are made whole.
I am so incredibly blessed to see the nature of our Father in Heaven. He sees us, knows us, hears us, and loves us so completely that we are never too far. His redemption is deeper than even we can ever know! How amazing is this? We are children of God. His bride. One He loves so tenderly and completely. Nothing will stop His pursuit of us!

Happy Days

Today is my birthday. I would have never in a million years thought I would be celebrating it in Europe! How life changes in the blink of an eye. I am blessed in so many ways. Often times I have to fixate on those blessings to make it through the days. I look at my kids. They are so amazing. This morning, I awoke to hand made cards and breakfast in bed. I've heard them scurrying around the house doing their chores and school. I get to listen to them enjoying the other's company. I read incredibly sweet sentiments and realize that life is so much more than the things we allow to occupy our thoughts. It is living. I am here facing a choice in my life. Do I embrace it? There is a verse from one of my favorite songs that says this: I can just sit and wait for all Your goodness, hope to feel Your presence. I can just stay right where I am and never let You change me from the inside." It has been convicting me every time I hear it. A constant reminder that God is there, but I have to stop moping and start living again. So things are different. So life will be different. Where does it say that I will never have to experience hurt or loss? How does it change the nature of God? It doesn't. While I have been trying so hard to cope and move through and on with this season, I realize that I have been fighting the work God wants to do in me. Things are going to be so very different for us in the near future. We will have to trust God in a way we never have before. That said, I need to start trusting Him now. He is calling me to give up my fight and asking me to take His hand and trust Him. Trust is so hard. Especially when you are in such a fragile state already. That said- I am ready to do this. I am ready to move forward in my heart. To allow God to have it all. The breaking is horrible, but I know that He will replace it all with His best if I allow it.
I have been blessed by the people who have been in my life all of these years. As I reflect on my past birthdays, I realize that things may have been superficial. Today, for the first time in years, I have enjoyed this day as I pleased. No guilt to be what everyone wants me to be. Just free. Free to enjoy the cool air, warm sun, beautiful scenery. Free to be in solitude. Free to be in communion with Jesus and enjoy His love. I have never needed much, but today I am blessed with all the richness that creation has to offer. The sounds, sights... everything. What an amazing gift! I am holding on to these moments because I know they will be few when we return! Until then, I will thank God for the tranquility that surrounds me daily and remember the promise that He has given me. Psalm 145:18