Happy Days

Today is my birthday. I would have never in a million years thought I would be celebrating it in Europe! How life changes in the blink of an eye. I am blessed in so many ways. Often times I have to fixate on those blessings to make it through the days. I look at my kids. They are so amazing. This morning, I awoke to hand made cards and breakfast in bed. I've heard them scurrying around the house doing their chores and school. I get to listen to them enjoying the other's company. I read incredibly sweet sentiments and realize that life is so much more than the things we allow to occupy our thoughts. It is living. I am here facing a choice in my life. Do I embrace it? There is a verse from one of my favorite songs that says this: I can just sit and wait for all Your goodness, hope to feel Your presence. I can just stay right where I am and never let You change me from the inside." It has been convicting me every time I hear it. A constant reminder that God is there, but I have to stop moping and start living again. So things are different. So life will be different. Where does it say that I will never have to experience hurt or loss? How does it change the nature of God? It doesn't. While I have been trying so hard to cope and move through and on with this season, I realize that I have been fighting the work God wants to do in me. Things are going to be so very different for us in the near future. We will have to trust God in a way we never have before. That said, I need to start trusting Him now. He is calling me to give up my fight and asking me to take His hand and trust Him. Trust is so hard. Especially when you are in such a fragile state already. That said- I am ready to do this. I am ready to move forward in my heart. To allow God to have it all. The breaking is horrible, but I know that He will replace it all with His best if I allow it.
I have been blessed by the people who have been in my life all of these years. As I reflect on my past birthdays, I realize that things may have been superficial. Today, for the first time in years, I have enjoyed this day as I pleased. No guilt to be what everyone wants me to be. Just free. Free to enjoy the cool air, warm sun, beautiful scenery. Free to be in solitude. Free to be in communion with Jesus and enjoy His love. I have never needed much, but today I am blessed with all the richness that creation has to offer. The sounds, sights... everything. What an amazing gift! I am holding on to these moments because I know they will be few when we return! Until then, I will thank God for the tranquility that surrounds me daily and remember the promise that He has given me. Psalm 145:18