Moving On

Sometimes, you forget how much you is in you! I am a person who loves order. I love when a task is complete. I love knowing exactly what is going on and what part I play in it. I am quiet, orderly, and try my hardest to hide in the background of life. My husband is very similar to me in the fact that he loves order. The difference, however, is that he LOVES being a part of everything. He thrives on being with people. He loves parties and socializing. He loves telling stories and being funny. He attracts people wherever he goes. His personality is alluring and contagious. There is no way that I could ever do half of what he does. I couldn't fathom being the center of attention by choice. The thought actually mortifies me! So, in preparation for this new venture of our life, I have had to "fake it till I make it". I am terrified because this is so opposite of me; of my personality. I wish I were braver and more adventurous. I pray for God to make me super excited about this. But, at the core of everything I am still me. The blessing? He knows that. He knows every single thing in my heart. He knows my fears. He knows my struggles. He knows my body and He knows my mind. He knows exactly how this is affecting me, and He promises that His grace is sufficient. The past two days have been surreal. I have felt as if I am incapable of making any coherent decisions. I feel confused and dazed, but I know that God is still with me. Matter of fact, He is the one that is carrying me through these tough choices in my life. His promises are the balm that soothes my soul. His strength is the only way I am even able to move. I am blessed immeasurably by those I call family and friends. Their encouragement and understanding have been paramount during this transitional period. I know all the reasons this is "no big deal", but to me- it is a BIG DEAL! So many new things to think about. So many things we will miss out on. I know that this season is one for us to seek the Lord and see what He wants to do in us. I know that there is blessings in obedience. I know that I will be glad to have had this opportunity. I know all of those things are true. I was not excited to come to IB, but it has been one of the biggest blessings in my life! That said, leaving the country for a year is daunting! It requires a ton if preparation. I guess I need to just be me and start making those lists! :)

                                      "Make your petition deep, O heart of mine,
                                                  Your God can do much more
                                                          Than you can ask;
                                        Launch out on the Divine,
                                                  Draw from His love-filled store.
                                       Trust Him with everything;
                                                  Begin today,
                                       And find the joy that comes
                                                  When Jesus had His way!"