Oh to be like You!

Adversity: a state, condition, or instance of serious or continued difficulty or adverse fortune

Difficulty: the quality of something that makes it hard to do

something that is not easy to do or to deal with  ie: a difficult situation

Vulnerability: capable of being physically or emotionally wounded

open to attack or damage

I don't like any of these words!!! But, this is where I am at. I feel the first two heavily inside of me but the last is supposed to be the one I choose. Who in the world wants to be emotionally or physically wounded, attacked, or damaged BY CHOICE?!?
Oh yeah- Jesus. The one in whom my identity is to be found in. Oh, Lord, HELP ME! Help me to be who you see in me. I cannot do it on my own or in my own strength. Today was overwhelming and I feel as if I cannot go on any longer! I make progress and realize that You are working in my heart and then BAM! More pain. I don't know how to sort through all the turmoil that has built up inside of me. I know You are asking me to do hard things and working the characteristics that do not reflect You out of my life. It just hurts so much. I had no idea how much it would hurt when I agreed to allow You all of my heart. Thank You that Your word tells us in Ps 34:18 that You are near to the brokenhearted and the crushed in spirit. That is how I feel. I realize that there is so much work to do. The closer I draw to You, the more I see how grieved You are with the state of my heart. How You desire for me to live in peace and rest, with full trust in You. That You want all of me. That You love me so much more than I can ever feel or even imagine. Help me to remember that You are the one who is doing the pruning in my life. You are skilled at what You do, and You do it in love. Forgive my unbelief. Forgive my stubborn will. Give me strength to do the hard things and accept what I don't understand. Help me to look to You when my insides feel like they have no hope! Continue to be the foundation I rest on. Thank You, Lord for the hope I have in You. I don't know how to be vulnerable, but You can change my heart and make it trusting. Help me to trust You and what You are doing in this heart of mine.