Trusting Him

We are leaving! What a strange concept! I feel torn. I know that this is a season of trusting Him and leaning on Him, but I am ready to see the whole picture. I know that I need to relax and yield, but I feel stressed and anxious. You know, like the dentist! So much uncertainty, however it is only uncertain in the earthly realm. He is quite certain of the path our life will go. What was a surprise to me is never a surprise to Him. The things I question anxiously already have answers and He knows them. So, why can't I have peace? Simple- I am too busy seeking to know. To understand. I need to rest and relax. I need to stop trying to figure it all out and let Him take over. That is so difficult! I have been making it a practice to take every thought and compare it to God's truth. It has been enlightening! Not because of the thought, but because of the tremendous amount of them! The cares, anxieties, worries, fears, hurts, all things that cloud my ability to rest in Him. I am fighting to make Ps 16:8-9 a reality in my life. I am trusting that He will never fail me, and He is weaving the threads of my life into the fabric he chooses. When I used to sew quilts, I remember sewing each part, feeling like they were all wrong, laying them all on the floor anyways, and standing on a chair for a better vanage point. I realized that close up, all I could see was the mistakes I fixated on or the small puckers. I noticed the fabric may have been discolored, or even flipped around. Things looked like a mess when I isolated them. However, when I stood up on the chair, the entire quilt changed! It morphed from the mistakes and insecurities into a complete picture. That must be what it is like for God. We see it all like those dumb 90's pictures that were made up of dots and lines and everyone "claimed" they could see the picture popping out (can you tell I was never one to see it?). God sees the entire picture! Not the 19 years I lived at home, the 16 years I have been married, the 15 years I have been a mother, the many times I failed, the segments that each piece adds to the picture of my life. He sees all of it! My life is not a page- turner for Him! He is not reading it and wondering what is going to happen next! Oh how often I feel like He is a student of my life instead of the Author! He knows my time here on earth. He has not allowed my life to walk on this path with Him for so long in vanity. He has a plan and a purpose. No matter what I believe to be true, He knows. I cannot forget that. He knows the plans He has for me. So, today I walk. One foot in front of the other. Not looking around or sitting down and refusing to walk. Not dragging or stomping my feet. Not trying to run really fast so I can get to where I am going. Just patiently. One foot at a time. Lord, help me to rest in You and follow the path You lead me down with a heart of faith!