sometimes

Sometimes, you find yourself in places you never imagined you'd be in! It is actually comical! Yet, this is real. This is our life. I am beginning to embrace it, and even enjoy it! (minus the fact there are rodents in the walls) I still struggle to come to terms with the end of our last season, but I have hope for a new one. Tonight the kids were talking about where they would go to school when we get back. It was the first time they realized we were not going back to what we left. Leah was a little sad. Christian was great. He was excited to think of where we would/could go. Leah was sad and could only think of what she would no longer have. I am on the fence. I am just trying to find my place in this time here. I cannot think of going back because I have no idea what that even means. I do know we don't have to know until next year. So I will look around and enjoy this small country village and try and rest. I will spend time with my family and be surrounded by people who love Jesus. We will reach out to others and make new friends. Then, we will go back and start over again. Here are a couple quotes from Oswald Chambers that has encouraged me today:

Reflected peace is the proof that you are right with God because you are at liberty to turn your mind to Him. Oswald Chambers 

Lay it all out before Him, and in the face of difficulty, bereavement and sorrow, hear Him say, "Let not your heart be troubled." Oswald Chambers

Wilderness

Waiting... I am waiting to go home, so I am not able to "be" here. Have you ever experienced that feeling? I am waiting to find home. I am waiting to return to it. I really don't even know what "home" is anymore. This week I began a new study from Beth Moore. It was a little bittersweet, but very needed. It is on the book of Deuteronomy. Yup- Deuteronomy! I know, you may be asking the same questions I did. I was skeptical but not disappointed! It was exactly what I needed to hear. Her main point being that, like the children of Israel, God did not bring us out of something to leave us there. He brought us out to bring us in. I am not quite sure what that means in my life right now. I mean, at face value I get it. I understand the concept, but I don't know what it will look like. The children of Israel were called out of bondage, they were asked to go through the wilderness, but they were not intended to stay there for 40 years! Their rebellion kept them there that long. They were delivered from slavery to go through the wilderness- not wander around it. How many of us hang out in the wilderness- pitiful and hopeless? We are provided for so we stay. The wilderness is meant to bring us into a reliance of our Heavenly Father. The Israelites watched as God removed them from bondage, parted seas, guided them, and provided their nourishment daily. Yet, they camped there. Fear kept them from going forward. They stayed- stuck- for 40 years. Unable to see that God was guiding them through the wilderness to give them the promised land. They are a reminder to us. God's chosen people. We are not to remain in the wilderness and wander. God is not bringing us out to leave us, but to draw us closer to Him. Then, He will guide us to what He has for us. What a difficult thing to swallow! I have never been in a place of such uncertainty in my life. I feel afraid. Unsure of God's grace and abilities to work in our situation. It is so hard to find the strength to keep moving. I am beginning to see why they camped in the wilderness! So, waiting? I guess I can do this! Only through the grace of God. He will help me through this strange new season of "wilderness" and guide us to the things He has for us. I must simply rely upon His steadfastness to persevere in this.

Make all things beautiful

Crafting. It has become something of a verb in our culture. This month, I realized it has no place in the Hungarian language. I thought I could live in white bleakness for one year- but I was wrong! Not only was I incapable of such a thing, but Leah was unable to as well! She even used her own money to purchase decor for her room, though I use that term loosely! IKEA was somewhat helpful. I purchased paint (yup- the kids junk I would never even look at back home) and some lanterns. Add that to the cheesy watercolors, the lame brush, the white glue, and scissors I had, I was in business! So, I tapped into my ghettotivity and began to scour Pinterest for ideas. As we opened curtains and bedding, I realized I could use the cardboard. So I saved it all. I added it to my toilet paper rolls and egg cartons. Think hoarders mixed with the unconventional challenge on Project Runway- only without all the supplies. Last week was a major score! Glue gun! However, nowhere sells glue sticks. It did come with 2 of its own. 2 mini glue sticks. 2 clear, 3.5 cm (yes, I went metric) glue sticks. I almost missed them, on account of them being SO TINY! I am not sure what I am supposed to glue with that! Yet, I tried. Only to realize that the gun does not get very hot. I probably would have had warmer glue if I sat on the glue sticks. After a small meltdown, I'd like to say I finished my project. I cannot say that. I can say that if I were in Avonlea then I would be Anne Shirley and Hungary would be Fred. I am currently sitting on the couch staring at the beautiful sunset, avoiding the table where my project waits and trying to figure out if it is really worth all that trouble. Honestly, it is a common theme in my thoughts lately. Struggling to find the worth in the things I put my hands to. In an effort to please God, I feel like I have failed. I feel like I let Him and everyone else down. I cannot even tell you how often I feel like giving up. I don't really know how to move beyond this feeling into real ones. I just keep moving forward, trusting that God is going to be faithful in my life. The funny thing is- I am not homesick or even wishing to be somewhere else. I am fine here. Hoarder crafting and all! I just need to feel something real again. Life has been so surreal this year that I struggle with believing God's promises. I know them, yet this is a time to let them sink into my heart. But, I cannot feel them. So it makes it tremendously hard to allow them to take root. Maybe they already are and I just need to keep watering them with God's word. Doing the things I know to be true- even when I cannot feel the blessings that are so real around me. Well, I guess I should go analyze my project and see how I can "make it work"! Goodnight from this side of the world!

Now to find some glue!

Hungarian Experiences

And they keep coming! Yesterday, I spent a couple hours in the mall... In Budapest. I will (eventually) get used to being stared at. Someone really should have followed me with a camera! It would have been a great social experience!
     The mall was huge. It has several stories and buildings. There are 3 separate buildings connected by pathways... But the catch is that only one floor connects them. And... It is not the same floor for all buildings. And the escalators are misleading because there are multipleS next to each other. So basically- I was lost. I happened to find a "bio store"- which is their version of organic! That was a score! They also had several "paper" stores. Those were different, but probably my favorite. My main reason for being there was to find a keyboard (music not computer) for Christian to play. He is going through withdrawals. It is quite sad. So, I finally found a place called "Media Mart". (Think Best Buy but foreign). No luck. Media Mart was located in the bottom floor- basically the basement. When I left, I noticed the escalator only went down. I decided to go around the (dark) corner, where I thought I would find the up escalator. I should have figured I was not in the right place when the security guards were looking at me and laughing. Normally I would have- except my bag had torn and I was relocating everything so I could still carry it. Through their laughter and frantic pantomime, I realized they wanted me to turn around. When I looked up- I realized that I was DEFINITELY in the wrong place! I turned red at the sight and ran the opposite direction! It was sooooo embarrassing! Foreign countries! I have to give them credit though- it was basically in the basement and very hidden. One of the mimed to me that I had to take the elevator out. Which brings up their elevator system. They all go to different places. So- 3 elevator next to each other will go to different floors! I am pretty convinced this is all for the viewing pleasure of their security team!


     KFC is also a big thing here. Who knew Hungarians loved them some fried chicken?!? McDonalds has a McCafe inside and it is actually a coffee shop! The strangest part? Their coffee is very good! Sammy wanted to get Sushi... I am not so sure. There is no ocean for fish- that is just asking for sickness.

     We have almost finished decorating Leah's room. It is so different than her American room. So girly! She chose cherry blossoms as her theme. Pink and brown everywhere! I was surprised! When I inquired about it, she said," It's only a year. And I really wanted to try it." She is so cute!
     I have been getting headaches again. It is so sad! I don't understand it. It has been so long since I had them. I am praying that they don't get worse.
     I have been doing the study by Kay Smith-"pleasing God". It has been a great reminder. I have spent so much of the past 3 years pleasing others- which got me nowhere and left deep wounds. I have been working through what it means to please God. I have always thought it meant that you must be an obedient child. I am learning that obedience is a part of it, but I also must be a present child. I need to have a relationship that is personal and active with Him. He is already pleased with me. I was created for His pleasure. He wants my heart, not just my actions. This is a hard lesson to learn. I am always guarded with my heart, and the times I let that guard down have always led to pain and destruction. The Lord has been showing me that I am to be unguarded with Him, regardless of my pain. I am working through what that looks like. Some days are no problem, some are catastrophic! Yet He is gentle and loving. His word is soothing and precise. His voice a constant reminder of His love for me. Sheep are a big thing here. It really is cool to watch them travel in the fields. Sometimes, their shepherd is afar off. He gives them space. But when one of the sheep finds themselves in trouble- he is right there to help them. The shepherd never raises his voice. He never appears frantic or worried. He is always calm and collected. Watching them and guiding them. It really brings life to the image of The Lord as our Shepherd.

Late-night reminders

Today- tonight- I fight to enjoy the life God has blessed me with and the opportunities I am surrounded with. I am reminded that they came at a price. A very high price. I am torn because in this time of rest others have to work even harder. I am trying not to worry. I am trying to trust. But really- I am just sad. Sad that there are so many things I cannot change. Sad that life is hard and sin is real. Sad that people are selfish. Sad that satan deceives and steals. Sad that we do not see ourselves as God does. Sleep is no friend tonight. Instead, I battle in prayer the things my mind uses to bring me back under the bondage of fear. I cling to God's promise that He will never leave me nor forsake me. I hold fast to the truth that Jesus is coming back. Life is hard and full of pain. It is also full of joy. Even when it seems like it is gone, He has broken down the walls that threaten to imprison me and will flood my heart with peace.

Ephesians 2:14
"For He Himself is our peace, who has made both one, and has broken down the middle wall of separation"

Éjjel

     Tonight I sit here listening to worship music while the house is filled with the smell of roasting chicken, and I am grateful. Yesterday we spent all day impromptu "touring" Budapest. I cannot wait to go back with my camera and take pictures of all the beauty it beholds.
Another reason to rejoice is this: I woke up, got up, and even ran before 9! If you ever travelled, you can probably relate to my excitement!
     Today, during our morning jog we ran into a shepherd and his flock. I really wish I had my phone to take a picture of the cute little guys! They all froze as if that would keep them safe. It was too funny! Then, a brave one began to bleat, which gave them all the confidence to stare and bleat at us!
Yesterday, the children realized that Hungary has a lot of pastries. Leah said they specialize in the 4 p's- paprika, pastries, pork, and potatoes. She is right! If I never see pork again! That and cigarettes! Yuck!
     We have seen more rain this past week than in the past two years in California! People say winter is coming in 2 months. I am terrified! When Hungarians talk about winter to us, they say it isn't too bad. When Americans ask where we are from, they immediately follow it with,"wait until winter! You are going to die" (why are Americans so mean!?!) If we die- I love you all!!! :)
     On Friday night we hung out in the coffee shop and played the most hilarious game. It was mainly comical because two of the Slovenian guys were constantly at each other with "house rule" differences. They both had different rules for this chaotic game. It wasn't until after that I found out they were brothers and grew up in the same "household".
     I finally feel like everything here is settling! We were able to clean,wash, and scrub, as well as get everything put together. I still haven't sat much, but that will come (apparently in 2 months). Well, I miss everyone and America- but mainly the beautiful, solitude stretch of beach that I walked with Coco. I look forward to the day I get to put my feet in the sand and run with my puppy again! Until then, I will run through puddles, fields, and river banks. The Lord is faithful!

A Little Rain

The weather has been insane! The first couple days were warm and beautiful! Then came the thunder storms! People had mentioned that "it was going to rain a little" later in the week. I am simply terrified for winter if this is just "a little" rain! It is mainly at night- which is incredibly helpful. The sky lights up like Christmas and roars like a lion- then opens up and pours out its wrath! It is so eerie and soothing all at once! Hopefully it will let up soon so we can travel to get umbrellas! Oh the irony!

     There are so many ways I was unprepared for this trip. I realize that you cannot prepare for something you have no ability to conceptualize. Yet, one week in and we realize this is exactly where God has us. It has been a rough adjustment as far as time goes, but the place itself is amazing. The people are quite oppressed- they have technically been freed from communism yet live in bondage as if freedom is exactly that. How terribly awful! They are not customarily "friendly" as in the American sense. They are kind and helpful. If you make an effort to reach beyond the language barrier, they are very sweet. We have been helped by numerous people when in town. We have been studying the language since we got here. We have a few pleasantries and phrases down, and that speaks volumes to these people. I guess it really does anywhere, right? Ultimately, we all just want to feel as if someone is making an effort. Sammy is not afraid to speak- even if it is wayyyy off! People are willing to help him understand. We spent 30 minutes waiting in the train station the other day- in which he was able to figure out how to communicate with the ticket saleswoman. We now understand so much more and can confidently take/pay for/ arrive at the train. Apps are a wonderful thing!
     Today, Sammy takes his driving test. It is funny how fast people drive here! And by funny I mean terrifying! Picture large, speeding semi-trucks going 85 mph on the same two lane road as horse-drawn carriages! I almost had a heart attack when one whipped around the carriage to pass it up!
Needless to say, I will NOT be driving!!!

     This weekend we will be getting into Budapest for the first time. I am so excited to go to IkEA! It shouldn't be too different, since I rarely understand what the items say back home!

     This place is so serene. Our place is in the middle of a field, just outside of the main facility. The bleating of sheep and the chirping of birds are all that you hear. There is a quiet path that leads to the train station just behind us. From that road, you can see the vast plains and distant city structures. I cannot wait to get out there and take pictures! Once the rain lets up, I promise that will happen! The village is adorable. Cobblestones make up what I believe to be the sidewalk. Sheepdogs are in every yard. Makes me miss Coco!

     This new chapter has made me realize how much I love my kids! They have been amazing through all of this! We heard horror stories about teenagers and how much they rebelled. Christian is adjusting incredibly well! I shouldn't be surprised! Everything about this is right up his alley! He has made several foreign friends and spent long conversations showing people where he came from via google earth. He has broken through the language barrier with his charm alone, and has succeeded at anything he has put his mind to do (so far). He has even been putting tremendous effort into his school. Leah had been very tired. She is still struggling to wake up and adjust. She walks around in a sleep fog most of the morning. She also struggles to fall to sleep at night. Sammy took her to work out in the gym and that was probably the most alert we have seen her. We have to find some outlet for her to use her energy. Sammy has spent this week hunting down mats. Processes here take awhile. Mainly because you have To decode. First, you have to decide what it is you want to obtain. Then, you have to figure out the Hungarian equivalence. This part is quite difficult as they have tunnel vision. They are not knowledgable about anything outside their domain. That is completely understandable! It just makes things interesting. We finally found a website that had a mat that was somewhat like what he wanted at a store in a nearby town. Then, he was able to take that to a Hungarian who was able to conceptualize "foam" or "mat". It is like math! Haha! 

Well, the thunder has started again! That means another outpouring! Please continue to pray for our health specifically. We have been doing well, but yesterday I had a migraine for the first time in forever (cue music). My vision went first, then the headache. I am not really sure why- but I do not want to go through that season again! Also pray for us to have the ability to be a blessing here in this place. I am praying for you all and I know that God is able to fulfill all of your needs as you rest in Him! God bless!

Hungary

Hungary has been quite an adventure! We arrived and have been rushing through a whirlwind ever since! The jet lag was pretty serious the first day, but we are all somewhat acclimated by now. The flight over was incredibly smooth and uneventful. We arrived and made it to our place by 2:30 am friday morning. 

Being at the bible college reminds me of when we attended in Murrieta. There are students that resemble friends that attended. Food is quite hor... unique. Chapel was filled with green chairs and even had the W's on- blaring "You are the devil and you are bad" for all to here. Ahhh, how some things never change!

We have ventured out more the past four days than many do their entire semester! We walked to the nearest city- Cece- which is about 5 miles away. We walked through sunflower fields and almost died on their roads. It was really quite scary! The speed limit is 80mph! 

Today we took the train into Sarbogard. It was quite easy! We only had to run to catch the train because we left too late! Praise God for hungarian apps! They have been a lifesaver! 

Our Tesco adventure was very productive- I finally found usable baking powder! Now to find potato starch so I can bake! 

Things are going well with everyone. We are adjusting to this new life. Christian was adorable when he had the epiphany that being in a foreign country feels the same as America, only different!

Today, I attempted to make crafts for our house. The problem- there is nothing to craft with! I found sketch paper, watercolors, and glue. Let's see what can happen! I cannot wait to go into Budapest and hit up ikea!

Parting Gifts

Today, our last American day. It was planned to be slow and relaxing. Somehow that would just be too easy! So, instead of relaxing and easing our way through this day, we will be dealing with the bank. Yup, the bank. You see- we were called and told our cards will be shut off because of a security breech, and new ones will be issued in 3-5 business days. Yay! Life is always an adventure! Here's to the prospect of dealing with banks today! I am looking to the positive! If this happened tomorrow- we would be unable to do anything! Praise God for the little things!

Picture frame quotes

She did this all on her own!

Smile often

Be happy

Laugh out loud

Say I love you

Tell the truth

Have patience

Enjoy today

Oh the wisdom of picture frames! 

As we count down the final days, we get to breathe! I am so blessed by everyone who came and helped us move. It is apparent that so many of you love us! We love you, too! Today was "grandma goodbye" day. The kids said there final farewells. We even had Walmart adventures and In N Out to memorialize it! I only tried to "drive home" once. Good times! I cannot wait to get to Hungary! I miss people! I also miss congregational worship! We have been out preparing for our departure for so long that I ache for fellowship. Things have been tough these last weeks because everyone wants to say goodbye, but when you say goodbye it is sad. And hard. And somewhat awkward. But mostly just sad. I sit here looking at the 11 bags that will constitute our lives and I have no idea how to even conceptualize what is going to happen in this next year. I do know this- Jesus is there. He will see us safely, no matter where we go! I have been comforted by this fact. Jesus has gone before us. I am in Ruth and I find it ironic [not really]. I have always been impacted by this moabite woman. She was honorable when honor did not require her to be so. She followed her sad, bitter, hurting mother-in-law out of love. One of the most poignant passages of the book is when she vows to follow Naomi- no matter what the cost. The end shows us the gift of redemption. I love the book! I remember writing a letter to Sammy when we were engaged and enclosing that same passage. But did I really mean it? Lol! Of course I did, except it is easier to write when everything behind you seems dim compared to the future. Cue picture frame motto! In slowing down, I have been challenged to enjoy every moment for what it is. No looking ahead or behind. Just enjoying today! Praise God for the gift we have been given. This is just the beginning! 

Daddy-daughter date

LOVE THEM!!!!❤️❤️