It's Your Life... How Are You Going To Live It?

From the time I can remember, I have always been a people-pleaser. I have worked my hardest to stay in the good graces of everyone I came in contact with. I always tried my best to be kind. I gave and loved. I have lived my life for others. It has been a blessing and a curse. It has been an obvious blessing because I have been able to be a part of so many things bigger than me. I have seen the downfall of this more as of late. I am learning that I gave my life away. I see how I missed opportunities to do more and be more. I see how I allowed others to govern my life. I wanted to make everyone happy. I wanted to be found worthy. I wanted to be a blessing. Now, I am faced with a harsh reality. No matter how hard you try to please others, it is ultimately your life. You have to decide how and who you are living it for. That truth hurts. I must choose where to go with that.  Life will be lived. How am I going to live it? I realize in this season of being alone that I cannot throw out people, but I have to throw out my mentality. Struggling to do what is "right" for everyone else's sake is not going to fix anything. I have to look and see what God is calling me to do. This has caused me to separate myself from many friends to press into what God wants of me. It will take me from places I loved, and ultimately change my life. The longer I pray about it, the more I am strengthened. I am seeing that I can do all things in His strength. Even when it seems impossible. I am anxious to begin what is next. Unfortunately patience is not my strong suit! How ironic that I have to patiently wait to move on! It is like pulling a number and sitting at the DMV. You know what you have come for. You filled out all the paperwork. Now, you wait until your number is called so you can take care of business and move on to other things.
I am so blessed to see God working in our life. I know that He will continue to move and guide. I have been encouraged through His word, prayer, worship, and even nature around me. I am loving my kids more and more each day. They are such a blessing! I realize that everyone loves their kids, but I am so grateful that my kids also love me back. I have been enjoying my time with Leah. She is such a funny girl. She is growing up so fast! I miss having friends, but I love spending this time with my family. We have been listening to church online. The series is called "playlist" and it is going through the Psalms. It is cute to see Christian take the lead and ask what we think. It is sweet to hear Leah understanding the spiritual principles that are being taught. How quickly it all goes. Make the most of it! I know my life is going to be different, but I am glad I get to experience it with those I love most. It will bring various emotions and sometimes seem impossible. Yesterday I was listening to Beth Moore and something she said stuck out to me loudly. It was about a portion of scripture found in Deut. 8. It talks about the promised land. She explained that the difference between the wilderness and the promised land is that God no longer gives provision in its form. He takes us from the wilderness: a place where everything we need is provided and the brokenness of spirit is renewed. Then He brings us to the promised land: where we must take the provisions and  create what is needed. Now, before you freak out- I am not saying this means you begin to work on your own. No, it is a land where God provides for you, but you are required to act. You must plant the wheat, grow and water it, harvest it, break it down, bake bread with it. (This analogy is quite ironic being as I cannot even eat it!) It is the place where you are able to allow the Holy Spirit to work through you, as well as in you. I look forward to what and how God plans to work in our lives when we return to the states. Meanwhile, we will press into God while we wait in this gorgeous wilderness He has us in!