The weight of the world rests...

I have a horrible tendency to take everything and place it on my shoulders. If something needs to be done, I will do it. I am trying to learn to share the load. This is new and poses its own complications. The control freak in me is fighting for life as I put it to death. The the emotional side of me wants to simply give up all control and become robotic, but that is not a possibility either. There is a balance of perfect peace In there. Will I ever find it? I pray I do!

It is strange to live in a house that is for rent. People drive by many times daily and slow down in front to take a look. It is pretty creepy when you think about it! Strangers looking intently in the windows of what used to be your home. People vying to make memories in a place that will soon forget you existed.

Isn't that life? A jigsaw puzzle- little pieces put together to make a scene. Up until now I feel like our life was a preschool puzzle- complete with small handles and shapes cut out to the outline of each piece. So simplistic and centered around our favorite objects or interests.

Now it is time to grow up and put the  board puzzles away. The new puzzle has been emptied out in front of us with all it's foreign pieces. There is very little clarity in the pile, and that is a good thing! When the puzzle was a baby puzzle, we were able to take control and put it together ourselves. This puzzle requires help. This is how it was supposed to be all along.

God holds the lid and knows what it is supposed to look like- not us. We can only allow Him to put the puzzle together. I am watching how as My husband and I let go of all the things we were trying to do- all our puzzle cutouts-God works things out. We are still required to participate in the puzzle process, but we are not putting it together on our own.

Oh puzzles! I realize I miss the babies more than I thought! I can see them sitting at their little tables in their little chairs with their wooden puzzles. Their chubby hands fight to get the pieces in just right. Some faces are complex and focused, others begin to play with the pieces in frustrated distraction. Help was rarely employed, but when asked they wanted complete deliverance until they caught on- then they desired independence.

What lessons we learn about our human nature through working with children! Lord, we are such stubborn, selfish people! You are so patient and loving! Help us to yield to You and trust You with all we have!