Happy New Year!

GOOD BYE 2014!!!

      Time seems to pass so much faster! Last year was eventful, and I am glad to have it behind me. This New Year's Eve was quite different! New friends, new places, new experiences! Tonight we embraced Hungarian culture and ate hot dogs, played fun games, enjoyed chocolate Euros, and set off real fireworks. It was a great night! I realize that we were way too close to the fireworks we set off! I cannot believe they make the fuse so short! Needless to say, the last one began to shoot at us! It was strange to see what would normally be a firework in the sky right next to us! We all screamed and ran, then realized we were standing in snow...
      New Years often give us an opportunity to better ourselves. I feel like this year is going to be tougher for my family, but I am excited to see what God does in our life.       I am confident that He is going to be faithful. I am grateful. Even when I cannot understand or feel lost. Especially when I am surrounded by His blessings and reminded of who I am in Him.

      2015 will be a year of change for so many. Make the most of what God is calling you to do. My New Year's resolution: Love those that matter most. I have spent many a year giving away to those around me and forgetting the people that matter most. I will spend this year continuing to build up my family. I will continue to reach out to those I love and remind them of God's love for them. I will step out in faith, and watch as The Lord meets me. I will live life as if it matters. I will (at least for the next 5 months) slow down and appreciate all the things I have. The people I am surrounded by. Goodbyes are coming soon enough- for now I will sit and enjoy the fullness of this New Year!

A still shot of our firework show!

Games with friends

Happy New Year!

Silent Night

     Tonight, I am looking out the window at the snow falling; cascading down the beautiful New York Grand Hotel. Everyone is exhausted from the fun we had this week. Today we finished off our trip and are winding down amidst the tranquility that can only be experienced- not described.
     Sammy and I decided to go off on our own this evening. When we came to the train station, snow began to fall. It was beautiful, romantic, and serene. We texted the kids from the tram. When we got to the flat, Leah was ready. We walked out and the look on her face was adorable! It wasn't in the forecast originally, but I am so glad she experienced it here (and that it waited until we had seen everything!)
     Sometimes, our language cannot formulate the things we experience or feel. This is one of those times. Sure, there was talk of beaches, mexican food, and (of course) Coco, but the week was a great time of enjoying each other here. We did manage to find Jarritos tonight! While they may have cost more than 10 times their cost back home, it was a nice surprise for the kids. Now, to go back and get to work on the new place!

Merry Christmas!

Spending our Christmas a little different means trying to understand that people in other countries still close on the holidays. I cannot get it through Leah's head that NOTHING is opened. Congratulations America- we'e ruined our children! 

Tonight was a beautiful, cold night exploring the Hungarian castle district. The sight is breathtaking and no photo could do it justice. Walking over the beautiful bridge was quite an experience! The expansive culture and beauty is unreal! Finish it off with an amazing meal on the river to Christmas carols on a baby grand and I'd say this will be a Christmas for the books! What a strange change for our little family. I look forward to more experiences with them in the coming months!

As the new year comes and the time flies by, I am fighting to keep my perspective. It is strange, but it seems like starting a church was a lifetime ago! It has been 6 months since we left IB. I miss everyone, but I know they are in much better hands! I am no longer in a hurry to get back and start over. I think the comfort of belonging is starting to overtake the sadness of leaving everything behind (except Coco, she may be the only reason I am going back to San Diego).  

This week, we went to the zoo. It was so very different than back home. I was incredibly close to animals I had no right being that close to! The photos of animals and cathedral buildings was so amazing! The petting zoo had baby kangaroos and ostriches. They were adorable! (And a little bit scary to be followed by) One ostrich gave me a photo show! Pose after pose. It was so cute! Yesterday was ice skating. My kids love ice skating! Throw in castles and make it outdoors and it is heaven! I was not too thrilled, but this is all about experience- so I skated for 3 hours. I am still sore today! Tomorrow we go to the aquarium. Then the circus and the labyrinth. Maybe even a hike or two (despite the cold weather). This place is amazing! I keep having to remind myself that  we are really here. You'd think after 4 months it would feel real already! Nope! Maybe when we get back and settle in to a new normal, we will reflect on this time and realize how truly unique a blessing it is! I hope you all have a merry Christmas! 

For the Love of Chalk Paint!

Hungary has introduced me to many new things. My favorite: Chalk paint!!! "I'm in love! I'm in love! and I don't care who knows it!" I cannot wait to chalk paint all of my furniture back home! I can see it now! Somewhere between my BBC home design challenge show and the hours on pinterest  I became enamored. I also have an entire barn full of "misfit furniture" here at the college. It is a treasure trove! A barn full of outcasts that are made of solid wood! I am giddy with anticipation!  Today I painted the first coat of tiffany blue on the TV unit made out of an old wardrobe. I can hardly wait until it dries. It is a little bitter sweet to know that I will pour into the new place and it will be finished just when we are ready to go. The good news is that someone is going to have a cool house when they get here {which cannot be said about our arrival} I decided to pick color schemes that are way out of my comfort zone! I love them! I may have to make some changes when we get home {the black bedroom furniture being the first on the list}. I will post pictures when everything is through and in. I am having to stretch my calculated self and let go a little with this. I will have tiffany blue, barn red, and black colored furniture with oyster and red seating, all in the same room. I have tried to configure it so the colors alternate and what not, but it cannot work. I just have to let it happen. I guess I had to come to terms with that at some point. I am also super excited to try the vinegar/steel wool over tea stain on the furniture. If that works, I will also be taking that home and having a field day on my furniture! I just wish I had my sewing machine here- then I would be perfectly happy!
We have had glorious weather this week! The sun has been out {for 8 hours because apparently the hungarian sun is part of a union} and it has been in the 50's. God is so good! It has made the cleaning of our new place a lot easier. I will miss the beautiful sunset views from this place, but I am excited to look out and see the horse farm and SNUGGLES!
Often, when you come to the end of yourself and the end of what you believe to be best, you realize that you had no idea in the first place! I am there! I am learning that sometimes you have to be pushed out of the nest to prove you can fly. Somewhere between the fear and the shock of the approaching ground I realized I had wings. I just needed to use them. So, in this little village on the other side of the world, I am finding the faith to be what God is asking me to be. Me. I like the possibilities that brings. Back to the chalk paint!

A Christmas to Remember

Today we began to plan our christmas vacation. We had a couple of minor set backs this week with the knowledge that we will be relocating to a less-than-optimal place. While it will {eventually} be beautiful, it is currently not. I was not expecting that we would have such a short turn around on the move, but I know God will supply the grace to do it in the time frame. That said, we started to make our plans. They include feeding foreign zoo animals, castle dungeon labyrinths at night by lantern, indoor aquariums that house alligators, ice skating outdoors in the largest European skating rink- and it is outside of a castle, exploring castles, cave tours, and {of course} THE CHRISTMAS MARKET!!! The kids are so excited! {who am I kidding... I am SO excited}! One thing that I have really missed out on the last few years was connecting with my family. I was so busy chasing other people's ideas and taking a step back when I needed to step forward that I stopped taking my rightful place in my family. I became the observer. The one who was limited by, well everything. This christmas, I will ice skate {and probably fall}, go to the symphony, ride countless trams, and most likely get lost. Yet, I will do it all with my favorite people! What a great experience! Hopefully, we will see snow! It has been freezing and raining, but not all together. Today, however, the weather is quite warm! That isn't keeping the kids from their wishful thinking of a white christmas! We have made cookies, pumpkin everything, painted christmas nails,listened to countless hours of christmas music, and watched Elf so many times. It has been wonderful! Though it will be fun and memorable, I do miss home. The beach, movies, Coco- they all seem to be further away during this season. Leah and I have been sneaking across the street to cuddle the cutest doggy! His owners don't really pay him much attention, but he loves to be snuggled. It is sort of like prison, but I guess it works for now! I am counting down the days until we get to be with Coco though. I just hope she actually remembers us... 5 more months!

O Come Let Us Adore Him!

Holidays- how we rush around to find, well, everything! Fulfillment, hope, gifts, joy, happiness. A search for some feeling that is intangible or incapable of description. Everyone does it! We chase the season- feeling to feeling. Tradition to tradition. Sentiment to sentiment. All in search of what? 25 days (ok, maybe more) of decor, music, kindness, food, parties, gifts. Their intent? To find joy. To bring hope. To fulfill a longing. Yet, it is a facade. I am not against all of these things! I love (and miss) them ALL! The problem I am realizing is one that carries into so many other areas in our life. We get so caught up in the things we think are supposed to satisfy that we completely miss out on the point. This season is meant for celebration! By all means- celebrate it! But do so with this realization: Jesus came. Relationship is the gift this season has to bring! Relationship with the One who came down to be with us- who became one of us even! This year, I am given the opportunity to celebrate just that! No frills or traditions. No gifts or even special meals. Just relationship. I know that this year is unique and next year will not duplicate it, but I hope to take this reminder and infuse it into the busyness the season will surely bring. When I put up a tree (probably in November :0) and start to search for the "feelings" of Christmas, I will remember that it is found in the people I share it with. The community I belong to. The parties and gifts are a reflection of my desire to cultivate relationship and enjoy the people around me. That the true meaning of this season was given to us through the sacrifice of our Creator- who came down to save our souls. Christmas. God came down. Our perfect gift. No search for emotions are needed! They are all contained in this glorious reminder:  Luke 2:10-14   "And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.

And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.'" 

Have a wonderful holiday season! Enjoy your loved ones and make time for them! Put Jesus first and make room for Him in your celebration! 

When Adventure Turns

     One of my pleasures here in Hungary has been the miles of forests I have been exploring. I know I should be worried because I am in a forest- in a foreign country. To a degree I have had "wild boar" fear and been incredibly smart as to use my gps, make sure I had cell service, let someone know when I leave, etc. Today, I bundled myself up, started my gps and music, and set off to explore my new favorite place. I took the same path I normally take. I was listening to Christmas music, which makes everything better! I reached the turn around point 4 miles in, but I just wasn't ready to stop. So, I made the worst decision yet. I kept going. Then, I saw some of the most glorious landscapes I have experienced. It was so surreal. Jogging along the river, singing "Marshmallow World" without a care in the world. I stopped only to capture pics of my surroundings in case I got lost. When the woman on my app told me I had gone 6 miles, I decided I needed to turn around. At this point it was 11 and the sun goes down at 3:30 here, and I have an irrational {not-so-irrational} fear of getting lost in the forest and having to build my own shelter, and I forgot to bring gloves...
Jogging back, I looked at my phone and realized my gps stopped tracking me. I was a little nervous, but not too much. I just needed to get back to the lookout point in the meadow, then I would be home free. My app told me I had gone 8 miles, yet I hadn't seen the large wood pile {I know- who uses a wood pile as a marker in the forest!!!} I started to get more nervous. Not enough, but just a little more than before. I took the path I thought was right, but it took me along the the side of the river. My app told me I went 10 miles...
It was at this point that the cutest furry squirrel darted in front of me. Since I have an irrational {now rational} fear of coming face to face with a wild boar, I jumped. He ran up a tree and stared me in the eyes. He was sooooo cute. I laughed and thought to myself- "Okay, I am totally lost. I know I should be afraid, and I need to stop listening to music and save my battery." I turned around and came back to the spot I believed the wood pile to be. It still wasn't there. There was, however, a path that ran along a fenced off field of sticks. It was not very worn, but at this point, why not? Well, as I walked (because 11 miles in I was EXHAUSTED) the path, I realized this was really happening and I should be very afraid and start thinking about calling Sammy. I stopped and tried his number- only to be greeted by the recording of a woman, saying something to me in Hungarian. This normally happens when our minutes expire. WORST DAY EVER! I plodded on, and found a very untravelled path. I decided it seemed like the right way. {like I even had any orienting point to go off of at this point!} I turned. I was praying that God would show me how to get out of this predicament I found myself in. That, if I wasn't supposed to go down that path, He would show me. Well, in the next minute, my biggest fear became a reality. 20 feet in front of me was the thing I dreaded seeing... an enormous wild boar! I froze as he looked into my eyes. He looked like a hippo he was so big! I screamed {loud} and he ran into the forest. I took off in the other direction and ran until I came to a pig farm {oh irony}. 14 miles... I came to terms with the fact that I would die in the forest if I didn't find a way out and determined to try to break beyond the language barrier, or just use a phone to call the college and have a hungarian speak to them and save me. No such luck. The buildings were all closed. I heard voices in the field nearby, and ran to them. As I got closer, fear began to overtake me. There in the field, a group of gypsies sat eating their lunch. they looked like convicts. I approached them, praying I would not melt down and cry. We were able to establish I was lost {thanks for the news flash}. The answer? The {scary} man mimes me to get into his van. Now, I know what you are thinking- WHAT THE HECK!?! But you have to understand- it seemed like my best option. When faced with the wild boar/ freezing temps that were eminent, this seemed like I had no choice. Yet, somewhere along the journey with Laslo the gypsy through the forest, I realized my situation and just started laughing. How did I get to a place where getting into a van with a {drunk} gypsy and driving {what seemed like} deeper into the forest seemed like a good idea? What was happening in my life?                                    

The 10 minute drive through the rugged terrain seemed like eternity. As soon as I saw the familiar 2- lane road, I almost cried. He dropped me off at the castle, and I was never so happy to be home! EVER! A couple hours later, the adrenaline wore off. As I was describing the boar to Sammy, he laughed because he doubted it was that big. We decided to look online to solve the problem. When he pulled up a video- I started to cry. Apparently I was traumatized by it. PS... they ARE huge! They are 600-700 lbs. and 69 inches long, 43-48 inches tall. {so maybe he wasn't 6 foot tall like I said}. I will now be smarter when I go into the forest. I will not use wood piles as landmarks. I will still scream {louder} when I see a wild boar. I may ask for a knife for christmas... or a rifle!

When Your Life Goes On Without You

     This week has been wonderful. Making crafts with trash and creation has proven to give me more of a competitive nature and desire to figure things out. Christmas reminds me of all things home. Back home. It makes me a little sad to think of the festivities that have come and gone in my life. I have tried to picture what things will even be like next Christmas! I think that is why I have thrown so much effort into making this place seem like home.
    While being at the college feels far from missionary status, it does remind me of how lonely it is to be far away from everyone you know and love- indefinitely. This season has given me a grace for our missionaries that I may never have come to had I not been yanked from my comfort zone. Missionaries serve God just like Christians in the states do.  The difference? There is no "superstar" following. Many ministers are able to get up and keep moving daily because they see the fruit right in front of them. They are in warm buildings and offices, have people around them who "love their teaching", and are able to feel a connection to the body. Missionaries seem to go alone. Sure, they have "support", but it is hard for people to understand their new life. "Old" life moves on and they don't relate. Things seem so pointless in comparison to the reality that people are dying without Jesus.
    None of these things are new information to me- just a little more "real" being so far away. It also reminds me that I will be so different when I get back. I see it even now! As our time here passes (so very quickly), I know this season will be over. Gone just as quickly as it came. I will never forget the time here. God called my family out to focus on Him. He, a jealous God, wanted our entire heart. He has it. So, as life goes on back in San Diego, I sit here waiting as God makes new paths for us. This hymn has encouraged me recently because it reminds me that God is the one who calls us and leads us. As hard as it has been to be away this season, and with all the honing God is doing in our hearts and life, it has given me the proper perspective. "So I send you to lose your life in Mine". This has been a hard, hurtful reality- and it was almost too much to bear- except for this reminder: "So send I you My strength to know in weakness, My joy in grief, My perfect peace in pain". He is always there. Even when "my life" goes on without me, He is at work making my path straight!


So I Send You
So send I you to labor unrewarded
To serve unpaid, unloved, unsought, unknown,
To bear rebuke, to suffer scorn and scoffing-
So send I you to toil for Me alone.

So send I you to leave your life’s ambition,
To die to dear desire, self-will resign,
To labor long, and love where men revile you-
So send I you to lose your life in Mine.

So send I you to hearts made hard by hatred,
To eyes made blind because they will not see,
To spend, tho’ it be blood, to spend and spare not-
So send I you to taste of Calvary.

So send I you by grace made strong to triumph
O’er hosts of hell, o’er darkness, death and sin,
My name to bear, and in that name to conquer-
So send I you, my victory to win.

So send I you to take to souls in bondage
the Word of Truth that sets the captives free,
to break the bonds of sin, to loose death’s fetters,
So send I you to bring the lost to me.

So send I you My strength  to know in weakness,
My joy in grief, My perfect peace in pain,
To prove My power,  My Grace, My promised presence,
So send I you, eternal fruit to gain.

So send I you to bear My cross with patience,
and then one day with joy to lay it down,
to hear My voice, “Well done my faithful servant
Come share My throne, My kingdom and My crown!”

To Glitter or not to glitter...

 Is that a real question?!?

It is this year! Normally, I would be sitting in a warm, scented room with Christmas music playing in the background. The place would be decorated with everything Christmas. The presents would be wrapped and under the tree. I would {definitely} be enjoying a piece of pumpkin pie. My doggie would be laying at my feet. That is how most of my Christmases went. 

     This year, we have a different life. In an effort to try and feel like the holidays are here, I have been playing Christmas music non-stop. Today, we made a tree out of sticks. We strung garland and painted old canvas {I believe it thanked me}. As we listened to the words to the songs, Leah and I were laughing at how we can relate to them now! With talk of snow next week, rain today and temps in the mid 30's, we have completely entered uncharted territory for the Sandino family. This next week, all the students leave. The staff go home to visit their families in the states. The sad reality that we will be here alone for 6 weeks has started to sink in. That doesn't mean we can't celebrate my favorite time of year! We may not have much, and it may not look the same as years past, wbut this year we are here! I will find ways to add glitter to this season and rejoice! I don't know where next year will be celebrated, but I don't really need to look back in longing or look forward in worry. I get to sit back and enjoy today. So tonight, I sit in a warm house, with no presents and a tree branch Christmas tree, listening to music and thanking God for the gift He became for us so long ago. The gift that we are reminded of this season. Tomorrow is the first day of December. Remember the reason for this season and celebrate Him every day! sziasztok!

Thanksgiving birthdays

Who says you have to throw out traditions just because the country you are in doesn't celebrate them!?! Today, my sweet and beautiful baby girl became a teenager! Where have the years gone? Today, we spent the day shopping in a cute craft store, buying Christmas decorations, eating McDonald's because we are dying for beef in this pork-filled country, desserts with friends, and finishing the day with Elf. Such fun! Who needs Black Friday and chaos? Tonight, we rest and reflect on the here and now. Speaking of now...back to my not-so-little girl and pumpkin pie!

Thanksgiving

This year, as Thanksgiving approaches us, I am reflecting on the things that have changed in my life. I am very thankful for how much God has done in me this year. I am appreciative of true friendship and people who love me enough to be honest. I am blessed to have a wonderful set of children! I am honored and so grateful to be His daughter! I am experiencing new things in a new place. I am loved. What more is there?
Today will bring be very busy! I have a tiny, european oven in which to bake my whopping menu! Order and oven schedule is a must! I never thought I would be making (what I consider to be) the most repulsive casserole from scratch just to feel like home! Isn't the beauty of green bean casserole its simplicity? Not here! Nothing is simple! Well, maybe whipped cream is a little easier here, but that is it!
Christmas music, rolling pins, homemade breads, pureeing pumpkins, making creamed soups, teaching Leah for the first time, new memories, and wonderful smells! Thanksgiving in Hungary! Who knew?!? I better get started on everything or I will be off schedule! We can't have that! Enjoy your day and God bless you this week!

Consumed

"I need God to consume me more than my life currently does"

How true this statement is! Are we consumed by Him? By His desire and will? How often do we look at ourselves and our life and forget that He is still God. When life and it's voices consume our being, we are missing out. I think of the scene from the Incredibles where the kid is on the bike and Mr. Incredible looks at him (in the midst of his frustration) and asks "kid, what are you waiting for?" To which the kid responds "something amazing!" Am I that kid? Or am I so frustrated in my life that I forget the fact God is working in and through me and others are watching to see just what God can do? Lord, make us usable! Make the drama that we call life consume us less and the glory of God consume us more! "Oh praise the ONE who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead!"

Lost?

What a day! It all started this morning! I set out for a 5 mile run. It was a little chilly, but not too bad. With about a mile left, I decided to run through the forest. I had never gone this way before, and it looked safe enough. The rain was starting to come down, but I figured the distance was the same. {looking back, I realize I had NO authority to make that assumption being as I never went that way before} Well, boy was I wrong! I ran down paths and got so incredibly lost and off track, that my nice 5 mile run quickly turned to 10. Praise God I have an app that tracks me in current time and gps {best in app purchase EVER} I got caught up in thought and realized I no longer had a path to run on. I looked up an all I saw were large trees and brush. I looked at my gps and it had stopped tracking for the last mile. I was lost. Oh so lost! I freaked out a little, then realized that I just needed to get back to a place where my gps could pick up signal. After what seemed like eternity, I was back on track- but not without an adequate amount of lost forest pictures and running in the rain selfies! I blame it on the bible college!
This semester has had a very sad little plague going around. We had tried our hardest to stay clear of it, yet it hit! Lice. Tiny, icky bugs that torment you and basically cause a panic that chills me to the bone! I have been checking heads here at the house every day since the first outbreak last month. We had been free and clear. I made the kids use the defense spray and checked. Friday, the little fellas resurfaced at the castle. When I checked Leah's head this morning, I saw a nit, and a bug. Yay! Christian also had them. He got a nice new hair cut prior to treatment! They had very mild cases since I have been checking like a crazy woman. We also treated the neighbors. Their little one was so sad because she had it so bad! I am convinced that lice is my lot in life- or my calling. Not really sure it is a blessed one! :)
It is 11pm and after 8 hours of de-licing heads I am exhausted! There is an adorable doggie sitting on our doorstep whining to come in. The kids are giving me a hard time because I won't let him. His little whine is all but killing me right now! Please go away cute puppy!

Baggage

Tonight, there was an english man teaching at bible study. He taught Deuteronomy 12. After the Hungarian translator read the chapter (which went on FOREVER!), and about 20 minutes of apologizing for the book of Deuteronomy, I was done. Well, actually, I was done before he even started. Mostly, I was missing home. Today, I listened to christmas music and realized that I would not pull out a tree and decorate. I was not going to do the things that I normally do this time of year. Tears and sadness had hit. I almost skipped tonight, but I knew I needed to go. Yet- Deuteronomy. Chapter 12. Seriously?
Yes- seriously. God knew exactly what I needed to hear. He spoke on things I have been hearing from the Bible Study I am listening to by Beth Moore. Yet, he hit on a major area I am struggling with. He said this, " You want to hear from God. But so often you come in to offer Him your sacrifice dragging your idol in your other hand. You have to let go of the baggage. Drop your idols and allow God to fill your empty hands". There is is... I HAVE to let go. I cannot live carrying this baggage around. It is impossible to move forward and hear God if I am fixated on my bags. My idols don't really seem like idols... but they are. I know it because letting them go all but kills me. Yet, He promises me better. He will replace everything I give up with more of what He desires. Isn't that what I want? I may not understand or see the direction He is leading, but it is His voice that I long to hear.
During the afterglow, the worship leader sang the song "Nothing but the Blood of Jesus". I have been listening to that song frequently on my jogs. I am familiar with it and love it. Tonight, for what seems like the first time, I HEARD it. "Nothing can for sin atone, nothing but the blood of Jesus. Not of good that I have done, nothing but the blood of Jesus." ONLY the blood of Jesus. Not me, my good, my will, my anything, can make up my sin debt. HIS blood. It is the only thing that can save. I take a lot of the burden on myself, and I have no authority to. I cannot change my standing before God. He is the one who intervened on my behalf. So, why do I struggle with the things He is asking me to let go of? Why do I cling to my bags and refuse to put them down? Rhetorical questions!
I am constantly reminded that I have a choice. The section in Deuteronomy 30:14-20 has been a favorite of mine lately.

"But the word is very near you. It is in your mouth and in your heart, so that you can do it. See, I have set before you today life and good, death and evil. If you obey the commandments of the LORD your God that I command you today, by loving the LORD your God, by walking in his ways, and by keeping his commandments and his statutes and his rules, then you shall live and multiply, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land that you are entering to take possession of it. But if your heart turns away, and you will not hear, but are drawn away to worship other gods and serve them, I declare to you today, that you shall surely perish. You shall not live long in the land that you are going over the Jordan to enter and possess.
I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live, loving the LORD your God, obeying his voice and holding fast to him, for he is your life and length of days, that you may dwell in the land that the LORD swore to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them."

Choose life, that you may live. This is my crossroad. It has been a long time since I have lived. I have spent years trying to be what I thought everyone else wanted me to be. I realize that this is idolatry. I can only be who God wants me to be. This is going to be a tough one to hold on and stay true to in the coming months. I want to do what is best always. But that best is always for everyone else. God wants me to do His best. That looks very, VERY different than how I have been living. I am so glad I have His strength to rely on!
On a side note: Today, we saw a baby deer, as a pet! We also were kicked out of the gypsy village by cops and I still have no idea what they were trying to tell us! I was pretty sure we were going to end up on the wrong side of the napoleonic law! Praise God for the (few) hungarian words I have acquired! For without them, we may be sitting in a cold jail... Good Night!

HOW!?!

Tuesday- my question is this: HOW?

How is it that my beautiful, sweet baby girl will be a teenager in 2 short weeks? That, as I stare at her, she turns more and more beautiful? Her kind heart, sweet nature, gentle spirit, amazing talent, and fun personality wrapped in the body of a beautiful young lady. I want my little girl back, but I love the young woman that is growing before me.
Today was a first on many levels. It was an emotional day. It started out with me having to drive. I was so afraid, I barely slept in anticipation. When I woke up, fear became even thicker. I looked out the window and was unable to see anything due to the fog. I pep talked myself { a new habit I have gotten into since everything takes one nowadays} and got in the van. Most people are unable to drive here because they have no knowledge of driving stick. Sammy and I are part of a blessed few that are capable. So, that excuse down, I was ready. We drove out of the college and onto the 2 lane road that we would take 45 minutes into town. Well, as we drove further away from the college, the visibility was gone. NOTHING! I wanted to pull over and cry, but I know there is no shoulder and as I couldn't see, I would have surely ended up in the ditch. So I drove forward. Tears streamed down my face, and I tried my hardest to pull myself together for Leah's sake. We blindly drove, unable to measure where we were or how far we had to go. Every so often, I was met with the headlights of someone who thought it was a good idea to pass a vehicle, which brought more tears. We arrived and I went into the gym. I needed to pull myself together, so I went into the restroom in the foyer. The same restroom I have used every time. Well, for whatever reason, I looked up and read the sign. Maybe I am becoming more aware of my surroundings, or somewhere someone needed to have a good laugh at my expense, but as I read it realization dawned on me. It said Ferfi. Not Noi. Great! I have been using the men's restroom this entire time! It explains all the looks that I had been given! All I could do was laugh! How did I get here? Last year at this time, I was listening to Christmas music, crafting and enjoying all the season has to offer. I was preparing a special surprise party for my baby girl. I was living in an ignorant bliss. Now, here I am in a foreign country, driving blind and using men's restrooms! How?
We arrived home safely {facing the fog again}, and Leah began to ask me questions about make up. Actually, I saw this coming. Last year, I told her we were not opposed to her wearing make up, but I wanted to take her to get it and show her how to use it. Lately, she has been watching tutorials and talking about her friends who wear it. I reminded her again that I was not opposed to her wearing it, she just needed to learn how to. She asked me to show her last night. Somehow, between the laughing and fun of teaching a {very mature} almost teen how to apply eye liner and not look like the lady from the Drew Carey show, I watched my baby turn into a young woman. Somewhere between the make up and newly done eyebrows we moved from little girl to this. I love her. She is funny, kind and sweet. And soooo beautiful on the inside and out. How, on this emotional day, can I thank God for all the blessings that are right in front of me? In the midst of all the things my heart and mind- even my life- are experiencing, there is joy. He has made me glad. He has blessed me with 2 of the greatest kids on the planet! I don't deserve them. I can't even take credit for them. Yet, I have them because He gave them. Thank You Lord!

You are my sunshine!

     Today, the sun is trying to fight and stay ahead of the clouds. The bright orange leaves of fall are turning brown. The wind is robbing the trees of their coverings. The ground is a mixture of colorful amber leaves, scattered like a carpet across the green grass. Fall. It is so beautiful to wander the roads and forest through rolling green and beautiful reds and yellows. Listening to worship and enjoying the cool air on my face. What a strange new experience.
     I am happy to spend these last few fall days outdoors. I am unsure what winter will bring. Leah's gymnastics coach asked me if we brought this weather with us! I guess it is uncharacteristic for this time of year. I chose to believe it is because God loves me!
Lately, I have been anxious to get home to my Coco. We had a FaceTime date and it made it worse! Soon we will see her. :) Is it too early to make a paper chain!?! :)
This past week I believe Leah grew a foot. She is almost as tall as I am! It is tough to believe that I will have only high schoolers when we return! Where has the time gone?
     

     I am enjoying this beautiful, strange adventure called life right now. I am eager to see where it goes from here! Thank you all for praying and loving us! We are learning to rest and slow down (sort of) at a much-needed time. Soon it will all be memories, but for now it is life! Life is meant to live- and it is only worth living when it is lived with the One who gave it to you! Thank you , Lord, for walking the path before us and with us. For the beauty we get to see along the way. For the hope that restores and renews hearts. For the promise of heaven and eternity with You!

We are His children

     One if the blessings of being a child of God is that He gets to be our Daddy! I have really needed that. The constant reminder that His love surpasses all of my ability, understanding, everything. It is undeserved and always there. He loves me. Completely and unconditionally! Who else can we say that about?
     Looking back at the past 6 months, I have watched as God has carried me through. Sometimes I was an obedient child- holding His hand tightly and trusting Him completely. Other times, I was needing His reassurance and for Him to carry me. There is a couple here at the college who are from Israel. They have two of the most preciously adorable girls! One is old enough to walk and is just in love with life. She has to experience everything in her path. It is so sweet to hear her call out "Abba". Her joyful laughter and huge smile are evidence that she has such a peace in her environment. Her sister is just a baby, and is most often seen in a carrier on her daddy's back. She is not able to run the paths on her own, so this is the safest place for her. This is the picture that came to mind when I was thinking about God as our Daddy- "Abba".
     Life is constantly changing. People move on. Everything becomes different. Things come up when  least expect them to. Hard things, fun things, painful things, happy things. Change is part of life. We see that in this world we live in. Weather changes. Circumstances change. All without a warning. What once took you left now takes you right. This world is not certain. This life is not certain. The people you love are not certain. Nothing is certain but this: Jesus paid it all! He wants us to believe that with all we have and are! I heard a loose interpretation of Prov 3:5-6 the other day. She said,"to trust in The Lord with all your heart sometimes means you need to trust with all the trust your heart can muster." That looks different depending on the place you are in life. We may have hearts that are unsteady, but this truth remains. God is always with us. In every season. It may seem like He is far off, but He promises He will never leave us. What Father can say that? When we have no strength to go on and feel like out world is falling apart- He is there. When we are experiencing the joy of life- He is there also. He never lets us go. What a great thing to hold onto when the world around us changes so rapidly! He is steadfast. Unchanging. He is the cornerstone that hold us up. All that, and our Daddy!

Hosea 2:14-23

Hosea 2:14-23
14 Therefore, I am going to persuade her, lead her to the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her.
15 There I will give her vineyards back to her and make the Valley of Achor [trouble] into a gateway of hope. There she will respond as she did in the days of her youth, as in the day she came out of the land of Egypt.
16 In that day —this is the LORD’s declaration —you will call Me, “My husband,” and no longer call Me, “My Baal.”
17 For I will remove the names of the Baals from her mouth; they will no longer be remembered by their names.
18 On that day I will make a covenant for them with the wild animals, the birds of the sky, and the creatures that crawl on the ground. I will shatter bow, sword, and weapons of war in the land and will enable the people to rest securely.
19 I will take you to be My wife forever. I will take you to be My wife in righteousness, justice, love, and compassion.
20 I will take you to be My wife in faithfulness, and you will know Yahweh.
21 On that day I will respond —this is the LORD’s declaration. I will respond to the sky, and it will respond to the earth.
22 The earth will respond to the grain, the new wine, and the oil, and they will respond to Jezreel.
23 I will sow her in the land for Myself, and I will have compassion on No Compassion; I will say to Not My People: You are My people, and he will say, “You are My God.”

In this section, we find the bride of Hosea (a prostitute) running after her old life. In the longing and pursuit of her old habits, she forgets just what is waiting there for her. She may be deluded, or maybe she feels unworthy. Whatever the case, God is patient with her. He knows she is in a terrible place. He knows the desires of her heart. But He is patient. He decided that He will pursue. He will persuade her with actions and loving words. He will speak tenderly to her- regardless of the fact that she is doing the very thing she is accused of. He will lead her- woo her- from the valley of trouble and through the gates of hope. That love will cause a response of gratitude. A reminder of the love she once knew. An innocent love. A pure love. The sins she saturated herself in would be removed so completely that she will not even remember them. He will be enough. More than enough. He will replace every area in her heart with such a thorough love that she will begin to grow. Change. The life of ruin she once lived will no longer bear any evidence. The things that caused her to be cast off will be replaced with  God's acceptance.
What an awesome concept! We know that this small book depicts the relationship of God to His chosen people - Israel. It is also relevant to us today. We are the bride of Hosea. We have been given every opportunity to partake in the heart of God. Yet so often we run. Like slaves, we turn back to familiarity. Back to the guilt and shame that condemn us. To a place we believe defines us. We run head first into the junk we were delivered from; forgetting the love that has changed us. Whether we believe the lies of satan or his condemnation, we allow his voice to replace the tender words of our loving Husband. We find ourselves in the valley of trouble. Like a lost child, we struggle to find our way back. Yet, He pursues us. He finds us in our defeated state. He speaks the words we know. He reminds us of His love. He reminds us of the way He sees us. He builds up our ability to trust. Then, He reaches out His hand to us. After staying in the valley of trouble with us, He begins to guide us. Lovingly, tenderly, He takes us to the gates of Hope. As He walks us through, He is constantly speaking the words that block out all other voices. He begins to permeate our entire being with His grace. We begin to see things as He does- once again. It is here we see the fields around us begin to grow. To bear fruit. The sweet songs of His promise floating through the air. The fragrance of His redemption drenching our once-stagnant soul. We- the "no compassion", "not my people"- are made whole.
I am so incredibly blessed to see the nature of our Father in Heaven. He sees us, knows us, hears us, and loves us so completely that we are never too far. His redemption is deeper than even we can ever know! How amazing is this? We are children of God. His bride. One He loves so tenderly and completely. Nothing will stop His pursuit of us!

Happy Days

Today is my birthday. I would have never in a million years thought I would be celebrating it in Europe! How life changes in the blink of an eye. I am blessed in so many ways. Often times I have to fixate on those blessings to make it through the days. I look at my kids. They are so amazing. This morning, I awoke to hand made cards and breakfast in bed. I've heard them scurrying around the house doing their chores and school. I get to listen to them enjoying the other's company. I read incredibly sweet sentiments and realize that life is so much more than the things we allow to occupy our thoughts. It is living. I am here facing a choice in my life. Do I embrace it? There is a verse from one of my favorite songs that says this: I can just sit and wait for all Your goodness, hope to feel Your presence. I can just stay right where I am and never let You change me from the inside." It has been convicting me every time I hear it. A constant reminder that God is there, but I have to stop moping and start living again. So things are different. So life will be different. Where does it say that I will never have to experience hurt or loss? How does it change the nature of God? It doesn't. While I have been trying so hard to cope and move through and on with this season, I realize that I have been fighting the work God wants to do in me. Things are going to be so very different for us in the near future. We will have to trust God in a way we never have before. That said, I need to start trusting Him now. He is calling me to give up my fight and asking me to take His hand and trust Him. Trust is so hard. Especially when you are in such a fragile state already. That said- I am ready to do this. I am ready to move forward in my heart. To allow God to have it all. The breaking is horrible, but I know that He will replace it all with His best if I allow it.
I have been blessed by the people who have been in my life all of these years. As I reflect on my past birthdays, I realize that things may have been superficial. Today, for the first time in years, I have enjoyed this day as I pleased. No guilt to be what everyone wants me to be. Just free. Free to enjoy the cool air, warm sun, beautiful scenery. Free to be in solitude. Free to be in communion with Jesus and enjoy His love. I have never needed much, but today I am blessed with all the richness that creation has to offer. The sounds, sights... everything. What an amazing gift! I am holding on to these moments because I know they will be few when we return! Until then, I will thank God for the tranquility that surrounds me daily and remember the promise that He has given me. Psalm 145:18

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=y56nxe5HeFI

The story of my life!

It's Your Life... How Are You Going To Live It?

From the time I can remember, I have always been a people-pleaser. I have worked my hardest to stay in the good graces of everyone I came in contact with. I always tried my best to be kind. I gave and loved. I have lived my life for others. It has been a blessing and a curse. It has been an obvious blessing because I have been able to be a part of so many things bigger than me. I have seen the downfall of this more as of late. I am learning that I gave my life away. I see how I missed opportunities to do more and be more. I see how I allowed others to govern my life. I wanted to make everyone happy. I wanted to be found worthy. I wanted to be a blessing. Now, I am faced with a harsh reality. No matter how hard you try to please others, it is ultimately your life. You have to decide how and who you are living it for. That truth hurts. I must choose where to go with that.  Life will be lived. How am I going to live it? I realize in this season of being alone that I cannot throw out people, but I have to throw out my mentality. Struggling to do what is "right" for everyone else's sake is not going to fix anything. I have to look and see what God is calling me to do. This has caused me to separate myself from many friends to press into what God wants of me. It will take me from places I loved, and ultimately change my life. The longer I pray about it, the more I am strengthened. I am seeing that I can do all things in His strength. Even when it seems impossible. I am anxious to begin what is next. Unfortunately patience is not my strong suit! How ironic that I have to patiently wait to move on! It is like pulling a number and sitting at the DMV. You know what you have come for. You filled out all the paperwork. Now, you wait until your number is called so you can take care of business and move on to other things.
I am so blessed to see God working in our life. I know that He will continue to move and guide. I have been encouraged through His word, prayer, worship, and even nature around me. I am loving my kids more and more each day. They are such a blessing! I realize that everyone loves their kids, but I am so grateful that my kids also love me back. I have been enjoying my time with Leah. She is such a funny girl. She is growing up so fast! I miss having friends, but I love spending this time with my family. We have been listening to church online. The series is called "playlist" and it is going through the Psalms. It is cute to see Christian take the lead and ask what we think. It is sweet to hear Leah understanding the spiritual principles that are being taught. How quickly it all goes. Make the most of it! I know my life is going to be different, but I am glad I get to experience it with those I love most. It will bring various emotions and sometimes seem impossible. Yesterday I was listening to Beth Moore and something she said stuck out to me loudly. It was about a portion of scripture found in Deut. 8. It talks about the promised land. She explained that the difference between the wilderness and the promised land is that God no longer gives provision in its form. He takes us from the wilderness: a place where everything we need is provided and the brokenness of spirit is renewed. Then He brings us to the promised land: where we must take the provisions and  create what is needed. Now, before you freak out- I am not saying this means you begin to work on your own. No, it is a land where God provides for you, but you are required to act. You must plant the wheat, grow and water it, harvest it, break it down, bake bread with it. (This analogy is quite ironic being as I cannot even eat it!) It is the place where you are able to allow the Holy Spirit to work through you, as well as in you. I look forward to what and how God plans to work in our lives when we return to the states. Meanwhile, we will press into God while we wait in this gorgeous wilderness He has us in!

Sick :(

Can you find the drama frog I almost stepped on during a jog?

Today we had plans to go out and explore. Yesterday I felt sick. Today, I feel like death. Guess exploring will have to wait. Lord willing this will pass soon. I haven't had a stomach flu this bad I  awhile. At least not without Gatorade.
This week the weather dropped 20 degrees in a matter of days. The other night brought a storm so loud I felt like we were in a tent! The rain that followed the rest of the week has been beautiful. The cold is nice now that we can work the heater! Sweaters and scarfs. Gloves and beanies. Ahh fall, you are glorious! I am so sad that I have to spend today in bed instead of enjoying the train and exploring new cities. Oh well! Here's to watching Pride and Prejudice for the 5th time and drinking detox tea in hopes of a better tomorrow! Happy weekend!

Remember this...

"The simple fact of being in the presence of The Lord and of showing Him all that I think, feel, sense, and experience without trying to hide anything, must please Him. Somehow, somewhere, I know that He loves me, even though I do not feel that love as I can feel a human embrace, even though I do not hear a voice as I hear human words of consolation. God is greater than my senses, greater than my thoughts, greater than my heart. I do believe He touches me in places that are unknown even to myself." Henri J M Nouwen


Today's reminder to myself in this: To seek God means that I must first allow myself to be found by Him.

Hope in Him

Pumpkins are always better when you pick them!

                                           
                                                    Hope is the thing with feathers
                                                         That perches in the soul
                                                And sings the tune without the words
                                                           And never stops at all.
                                                               Emily Dickinson

Some days feel hopeless. Everything seems so meaningless. Then I am reminded that my life only has meaning when it is centered in God's will. The hard part is to do it! What is God's will for me? Where do I find hope in this life I am living? How can I remain focused on God instead of becoming consumed with my feelings (or lack there of)? Choice. I have to choose. Many choices have been made for me, but hope is my choice. I get to look ahead through the promise that God will never leave me nor forsake me. I have to believe that He is preparing the future even as I fret in the present. I must allow Him to take the past and cover it in His blinding grace that washes away the pain and sorrow of death. Hope. It is in all of us. The desire for things to change. To become better. To be true. My life has been a sort of roller coaster when it comes to hope. I was an optimistic  child. Then, as life etched away at my bright ideals, I slowly watched my hope dissipate. Little by little it ran down the drain. Here I am, so many years later, trying to replenish the hope that has all but gone dry. Fighting to trust that God can saturate this life with Him and renew the death with life. Clinging to Him in the midst of agony and fear and trying to make godly decisions in the choices that are before me. I am reminded of a song from high school by a group called PFR. It was called "where is God in all of this". I know He is here, but I am at a loss. How do you move on when everything seems so bleak? Hope. I will choose to have hope in The Lord.
His promise is that I will receive it. It just may not look like I thought it would!


Lamentations 3:25 NIV
"The LORD is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him"

Tuesdays are...

I am sitting here watching Leah do gymnastics. We thought coming to Hungary would tell us if she was through or if she would want to keep going. I believe she wants this. I am watching her work on form, try things she basically refused to do back home (for years), and apply herself as well as the corrections given. It is funny to think that this girl almost quit. Here she is now, having missed 2 months and grown a couple inches, having to work really hard. Probably harder than the times she wanted to give up. She has committed to running with me to keep up her cardio, she has been strength training with her dad, she has shown a drive that has been nonexistent up until now. We wondered how she would respond to this. Would she give up? Would she decide to pursue other things? Yet today, I see her. Determined. Focused. Choosing to work hard for something she deems worthy. What more can a mother ask for? I am blessed by watching her. Instead of looking at her circumstances and deciding it makes more sense to give up and move on, she stayed put and worked harder. How is it that we can learn from our children's responses? Aren't we supposed to be teaching them? Praise God that He is at work. I see His hand, even in moments like this!

The Road Not Taken

The Road Not Taken
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Yesterday I ventured out on a new road. I decided to venture outside of the quaint city road I have been jogging along. When I reached the square, I decided to make a left on the road that leads to Palfa. I have been terrified of this road. It is a little curvy, no sidewalk, 2 lane, cars and buses going 80mph+, and laden with bugs! Throw in the uneven gravel and you can see why I was certain it would be my last journey! It was just that I needed more time. I needed to clear my head. Get it to stop. Boy did it work! Between dodging holes and bugs I was occupied. Add to that the heart attacks from speeding vehicles and it made for my best timed miles ever! Who knew impending death would speed a person up?
On the way back, I began to get overheated. I was forced to stop about 6 mi in. Once I did, I began to look around me. How was it that I did not notice how incredibly beautiful everything was? I was literally right next to a river I didn't even notice! I ran right past a herd of cattle grazing. I passed many scenes of splendor. Why? Because I was so focused on where I was going. Occupied with what lied ahead. As I sat on the stairs that led down to the river, I thought of the things I was running from. The thoughts I was trying to push out of my mind; that had ultimately led me here.
I have really been struggling lately. I could tell you all the areas and what not, but the bottom line is trust. Not people trust- God trust. I have been searching for answers I already know. I have been killing myself to go around the one thing He has asked of me. I can see it. When I dig into the center of my heart, the core of it is me- selfish me. As I have gone through the account of Saul and David, I have really been struggling through it. Mainly, because I am looking more like Saul and less like David. Saul is searching. He was given a position of King. He blew it. David came into the picture. Saul sought David- hunted him even. David never responded in vengeance. It got to the point where Saul was ending the chapter praising David and God, and starting the next chapter hunting him. Saul got to the point that he wanted to hear God so badly, he went in disguise to a medium to hear from Samuel, who was dead. Man, how do we get that far? How does one get so messed up? Easy- self-reliance. Saul relied on his abilities. Yet, he was not secure in them. Everything about his reign shows us that. After reading, I started the second lesson of the Beth Moore series I am listening to. That was what started the entire running journey. As I was listening, it was on trust. She was sharing the verses Deut 6:4-9. Look it up if you don't know it already! Verses 4-5 were particularly difficult because it required something I have not wanted. I hear what God is asking and I know Who He is, but am I doing it? Do I love The Lord with all my heart and with all my strength and with all my might? Sadly, I had to confess the answer to that. I couldn't as I was reading and listening, but when I ran down that road, I realized I knew the answer already. I did not. Because if I did, the center of my heart would be Him. I would trust Him. The past few years have been like that two-lane road. Plodding along, not taking time to stop and see what is around me. Not trusting God with what He is doing. There is so much to be said about solitude and hearing God's truth. I am learning that I may not always like what I hear, but it is so wonderful to know that God is always there to speak!
"Who is like You, O Lord!"